Oh My Baka!


	Disclaimer:  None of these characters belong to me.

	C&C, both public and private, is welcome.

	Akane Tendo, only child of Soun Tendo and heir to the 
Anything Goes School of Martial Arts, was lonely.  Most would 
think it was because she was stuck watching the all-women's dorm 
that night, but surprisingly enough the problem was mainly due to 
her looks.  Akane wasn’t so hideous that people would run and 
hide from her, far from it actually.  That was the problem.  She had 
a kind of natural beauty that most women spent hours trying to 
capture.  She never wore makeup or even styled her hair, and yet 
all the boys at school followed her around like lost puppies.  Just 
about all the women there at NIT hated her for it.  Her only friends 
were the members of the all-female Martial Arts Club, of which 
she was the current president and star.
	It's not that she wanted all this attention.  She would have 
liked to settle down with a nice guy like the school physician, Dr. 
Tufo, but he hardly even noticed her.  Besides, Kuno, the captain 
of the kendo club, had made that impossible.  He had declared that 
anyone who wished to date her had to defeat her in combat.  For 
some reason most of the boys at school listened to him and now 
Akane had to fight off a horde every morning just to get to class.  
No nice guy would even dared approach her from the fear of 
getting pounded by Kuno.  The school refused to interfere since the 
Kuno family was on the board of directors.
	Akane was tired of it all, but every attempt to get it to stop 
had failed.  No matter how many times she pounded Kuno into the 
ground, he still saw it as a sign of affection.  Reasoning with him 
was a waste of breath since he rarely listened to a word she said.  It 
was even starting to effect her grades.  How was she supposed to 
pass college with all these distractions?  She wished that . . .
	Akane thoughts were interrupted by her stomach rumbling.  
She had been so lost in thought that she had forgotten to eat.  It was 
pretty late at night, but she hoped that she could find someplace 
that still delivered.  She reached for the phone and dialed.
	"Hello!  You've reached the Goddess Technical Help Line!  
I'll be there in a moment to grant your request!"  said a man's voice 
that was trying to sound excited, but was failing miserably.
	'It was supposed to be an all-night sushi place,’ Akane 
thought.  She hung up the phone and went back to the phone book.
	"Hello?"  said the same voice she had just heard on the 
phone.
	"Oh I'm sorry," Akane apologized, "I must have dialed a 
wrong number."
	"Well even if you did, I might as well grant your wish 
anyway, since I'm here.  What is your desire?"
	That was when Akane noticed the phone was hung up and 
the voice was coming from behind her.  She spun around to see a 
man about her own age, in Chinese-style clothes and hair done up 
in a pig tail, smiling slightly with his head tilted to one side.  He 
also had odd facial markings on his forehead and under his eyes in 
the shapes of triangles.  She looked down at herself to notice that 
all she was wearing was an old pair of pajamas.
	With a cry of "Hentai!" she reached over to a conveniently 
placed mallet and knocked him on the head.
	The blow should have embedded him into the floor like the 
tent stake, but all it did was knock him on his butt.  Rubbing his 
head, he asked "What did you do that for, you tomboy?”
	This only made Akane even angrier, if that was possible.  
"You dare call me a tomboy after sneaking into my room and 
peeping on me!  Hentai baka!"
	Again she attempted to mallet this problem away, but it had 
an even less of an effect than last time since the boy caught it in 
one hand.  Akane was stunned; not even Kuno could stop her 
attacks when she was really mad.  This guy had to be strong.  'Just 
what's going on here?' she thought.
	"Well, as I was trying to say before, I'm Ranma, God of 
Conflicts, second class, limited licensee," he said, seeming a little 
angry about the last part, mumbling something about ‘not being his 
fault.’  "We at the Goddess Relief Office specialize in helping out 
people with problems like you.  We received a system request from 
you by telephone."
	"Goddess Relief Office?"  she asked, confused.  He didn’t 
look like a ‘goddess’ to her.
	"Yeah, well," Ranma explained, vaguely embarrassed, 
"This is usually my sister Kasumi's job, but she had something to 
do so I'm sort of covering for her."
	"That's nice of you, helping your sister out I mean," Akane 
said, thinking 'I can't believe that I'm buying this.'
	"I guess," said Ranma, even more embarrassed.  He didn't 
want to mention that it was really his other, much sneakier sister 
Nabiki who had tricked him into doing this on Kasumi’s behalf.  
"I'm here to help you out."
	"Help me?  How?"
	"By granting you a wish,” Ranma replied, wondering how 
dense this girl could be.  “But I must warn you that you only get 
one wish.  I can be just about anything you want, wealth, power, 
fame, even destroying the world, but we prefer not to deal with 
people like that.  So go ahead, ask for anything you like."
	Ranma actually had some experience with this, having to 
cover for his sisters before, especially Nabiki who seemed able to 
talk him into anything.
	'This has to be some kind of joke,’ Akane thought, ‘either 
my friends trying to set me up with this guy or somehow Kuno 
trying to set me up with himself.  How did he get in here anyway?  
All the doors and windows are locked.'
	"I came in through the mirror over there," Ranma replied, 
gesturing with his thumb, "And why would your friends need to set 
you up?  You look pretty cute to me."
	Akane started blushing over the 'cute' remark, even though 
she thought that he was only saying that as part of the joke.  Sure, 
most of the guys at school showered her with praise, but they were 
all jerks so she didn’t care what they thought.
	"As a god, I'm incapable of lying," Ranma pointed out.
	She realized she hadn't spoken those thoughts aloud.  "Hey, 
you read my mind!"
	"For the duration of this interview I can, to better grant your 
wish."
	'Wow,' she thought, 'If he really can do that then he must be 
a god.'
	"Yeah, so what do you want?"
	Akane was starting to feel just a little irritated, mainly due 
to still not having had something to eat in over six hours.  "You 
don't have to be so pushy, you know?"
	"I'm sorry, it’s just every time I visit the mortal plane 
something goes wrong for me and my life is screwed up enough as 
it is."
	Ranma looked around nervously, as if he expect lightning 
to strike him any minute.  He had, in fact, been struck by lightning 
several times.  That was one of the problems in having Thor as an 
uncle.  Being the God of Conflicts, Ranma had made a number of 
enemies over the years, but thankfully demons could only reach 
him when he was down on the mortal plane.  He wasn’t really 
worried, since it couldn’t take him too long to grant this wish, even 
if Akane took her time.  He’d be back in heaven before any demon 
knew he was there.
	"Well it can't possibly more messed up than my life," 
Akane countered.  After all, this was a god, how screwed up could 
his life be?  Aren’t their lives supposed to be ideal?
	"Oh, yeah?"  Ranma was never one to back down from a 
challenge of any sort, even one that didn’t involve fighting.
	And Akane proceeded to tell Ranma about all that she had 
gone through since coming to college.  Her father constantly 
pressuring her to marry a martial artist to have an heir.  Fighting 
half the boys at school along with Kuno every single day, causing 
for her to be late most of the time.  Other female martial artists 
always challenging her for some reason or another, especially her 
arch nemesis Kodachi, captain of the Martial Art Gymnastics and 
S&M Club (no, not two clubs, they’re the same club).
	"So you're into martial arts, that's cool!"  Ranma enthused 
when Akane talked about all the training she had gone through.  He 
had gotten so into Akane’s slice of life that he had forgotten all 
about the wish.
	"Don't tell me you do martial arts?"
	Ranma nodded happily, since most of the other things she 
had been talking about had been a little out of his league.  
Relationships, dating, and marriage were much more in his elder 
sister Kasumi’s line of work.
	"I thought gods had all sorts of magic powers or mighty 
weapons to fight with."
	"Yeah well, I'm not very good with magic," Ranma 
whispered so low that Akane couldn't understand him.
	"What did you say?"
	"I said, I'm not very good with magic, okay!" Ranma 
shouted, looking a little embarrassed.  It was one thing his older 
sister Nabiki was always teasing him about, despite that her 
magical skills backfire half the time.
	So they talked about martial arts for a while, surprised at 
how knowledgeable the other was.  Akane found the style that 
Ranma described was very close to her own and began to wonder 
what it would be like to spar with a god.  She’d be happy just to 
have a sparring partner at her level, since she was constantly 
having to hold back with members of her club.  Kodachi or Kuno 
hardly counted since the first wanted to kill her and the second to 
date her.  Akane couldn’t decide which fate was worse, so did her 
best to end the fights with them quickly.

	Glancing up at the clock, Akane was surprised at how long 
they had been talking before the subject finally came back to the 
wish.
	"I only get one wish, right?" Akane asked.
	"Right." Ranma confirmed.
	"But I have so many problems!  How can I solve them all in 
one wish?"
	For some reason, Ranma was starting to like this mortal 
Akane Tendo.  She was a martial artist like himself and her life 
was filled with nearly as many problems as his own.  Because of 
this, he really enjoyed talking with her.  Here, finally, was someone 
who could understand him and the things that he had gone through.  
He also couldn't shake the feeling that he had met her somewhere 
before.  But that was impossible, right?  The last time he'd been 
down to the mortal plane was long before she was born.
	"Well, maybe if we work on solving your biggest problem, 
we can find a way for a wish to solve all your little problems,"  
Ranma told her after thinking it over for a little bit.  It was 
something that Kasumi had said to him once, but then his elder 
sister always did give good advice.
	Akane nodded and scrunched her eyebrows together in 
thought.  Ranma noticed that she looked unbelievably cute like that 
and then shook his head.  What was he thinking?  Gods just didn't 
get involved with mortals, it lead to nothing but disaster.  Besides, 
after he granted her wish he'd never see her again, right?  He hoped 
to get this wish over with quickly, he was feeling stranger than he 
had in centuries.
	"Well, my biggest problems are Kuno always pestering me, 
those morning attacks to date me, and my father trying to get me 
married.  Everything else is minor compared to all that."
	Ranma thought about this for a while.  "If you did get 
married, wouldn't that solve all your problems?"
	"Maybe.  My fiancé would have to be a good martial artist 
to deal with Kuno and measure up to my father's high standards.  
Besides, I don't want to get married to just anyone."
	Akane couldn't even believe that she was actually 
considering getting married.  All the pressure from father had made 
her strongly against the idea and had refused to think about it until 
after she had graduated.  Besides, there was no one at school who 
was a better fighter than Kuno and she knew that even if she got 
married he wouldn't give up without a fight.  She could just go to 
another school, but she really liked studying there.  She enjoyed her 
classes and all of her friends were there.
	What kind of guy would she like to marry?  He'd have to be 
a martial artist, that went without saying since it was the center of 
Akane's life.  She'd like him to be good looking, but looks weren't 
everything.  Strong yet gentle, honest and kind.  Someone who 
spoke from the heart rather than plagiarizing ancient poems the 
way Kuno did.  She looked over at the god who was staring back at 
her pensively, waiting for her answer, and said the first thing that 
came to her mind.
	"Oh, I wish I could have a fiancé like you Ranma."
	Suddenly, Ranma stood up and a blue glow started to form 
around his body, seeming to pour out of the blue marks on his face.  
Brighter and brighter until there was a flash that Akane had to 
shield her eyes from.  She managed to catch Ranma as he fell and 
was surprised at how light he felt in her arms.  She started blushing 
when she realized how good it was to hold him like this, in an 
almost intimate way.  It also made her completely forget about 
what she had said and the subsequent light show.
	Ranma's eyes flew open and he rushed to the phone.  After 
dialing a ridiculously long number and listening for a while, he 
said, "What do you mean it’s final?"
	"What's going on?" Akane asked after glancing up at the 
new hole in the ceiling.
	"Your wish has been accepted by the system," Ranma 
answered her after hanging up the phone.
	"Wish?  What wish?"
	"The wish that I be your fiancé." He was still feeling a little 
too stunned by the sudden turn of events.  This was not at all what 
he had expected to happen.
	"What?  I didn't mean to say that.  It was an accident!"
	"Well, the Almighty said that it's too late to change it now."  
Actually, it had been his sister Nabiki who he had talked to.  She 
was working as secretary to their father, but even sneaky as she 
was she wouldn’t have lied to him.  She got into too much trouble 
for lying as it was.
	"But it’s crazy!  There has to be some way to cancel it."
	"I'm afraid not."
	That was when Akane heard footsteps, growing closer by 
the second.  "Kuso!" she swore, "This is an all women's dorm, no 
men are allowed.  If they catch you here they'll kick me out for 
sure!"  Akane knew that she wasn't well liked by most other female 
students there who would welcome the excuse to get rid of her.
	"That's not a problem," Ranma said innocently, "You see, 
I'm not a man, I'm a god."
	Akane gave up on reasoning with him.  "Could you just go 
away for a little while?"
	"You shouldn't have said that."
	"Why?"
	"You see, the wish works on you as well.  Saying 
something like that is bound to cause trouble."

	Five minutes later, Akane found herself sitting beside 
Ranma on the steps of her former dorm, surrounded by her stuff.  
Being the beginning of winter, it wasn't a good time for her to be 
homeless.  Compounded with all the things that had already 
happened to her that day, Akane was feeling miserable.  And she 
still hadn’t gotten anything to eat!
	"This is all your fault, you baka!"  The snow falling down 
the neck of her jacket wasn't helping Akane's mood any.  Deep 
down, she knew that it wasn't right to blame Ranma for all that 
happened, but she was in a rotten mood and not feeling up to being 
reasonable.  After all, if it wasn’t for this stupid wish business, 
she’d still be warm, cozy, and probably well fed by now.
	"I'm not the one who wished to be your fiancé, you 
tomboy!"  Ranma shouted back, who wasn't in a good mood 
himself.  He just knew something like this was going to happen.  
Now he was stuck on Earth for decades at least.  More trouble was 
bound to come his way.
	"It was an accident, baka!"
	"Tomboy!"
	"Baka!"
	"Tomboy!"
	"Wow, what a couple they make," said someone passing by.
	"Practically married already," her friend agreed.

	"I know a place where we can live," Ranma commented 
after they had spent an hour or so looking.  None of Akane’s 
friends were able to put both of them up for the night.  She had not 
liked the way that some her friends had stared at Ranma and 
offered only him a place to stay.
	"Baka, why didn't you say that before?"
	"Because you didn't ask," Ramna taunted her, sticking out 
his tongue.
	Knocking Ranma into a snow pile improved Akane's mood 
immensely.

	On the way to the temple, Akane wondered out loud why 
they had to stop at KFC.  Not that she was really complaining, 
since it gave her the chance to finally get some food.  But she had 
to pay for both of their meals since Gods seem to lack a thing 
called money.
	Ranma told her, "Like I said, this priest owes me a favor, 
but it would go better with a little offering."

	“Ah, Ranma my boy, so good to see you again,” 
commented a little old man who stood at the door to a well-kept 
temple after finishing off the chicken the god had given him.  “And 
who is this young woman with you?  Your sister Nabiki perhaps?”
	“No, this is Akane, my fia . . .,” Ranma hesitated when he 
saw the scowl on her face.  “my friend,” he finished lamely.
	He bowed to her and said, “I am Cherry, a most holy monk, 
and I must say that I see the mark of doom on  . . .”
	Cherry stopped after Ranma had bonked him on the head a 
few times.  “He says that to everyone,” he explained to Akane. She 
only looked confused.

	Akane looked over the small, run down temple that was 
going to be her home for the near future and sighed.
	“I know it doesn’t look like much now,” Ranma told her, 
“But with a little work it’ll be okay.  Trust me.”
	Akane looked at him to see if he had gone crazy, but she 
was too tired to start an argument.  Picking up one of her boxes, 
she went inside, Ranma following close behind with the rest.

	Akane woke late the next morning, scratching her head in 
wonder.  What a weird dream she had.  Gods, wishes, getting 
kicked out of the dorm.  She made a mental note not to skip meals 
in the future, they screwed with her head too much.
	She was still half asleep so, as she gathered up her bath 
things, it didn’t register that this wasn’t her dorm room.
	“Good morning, Akane-chan,” a sweet voice called out to 
her as she passed by an open door.
	Akane turned to see a woman a few years older than herself 
with long brown hair and strange facial markings working busily in 
the kitchen.  ‘New student?’ Akane wondered.  And why did those 
markings seem so familiar, like she’d seen them somewhere else 
before?  In her half-asleep condition, she didn’t realize that her 
dorm didn’t have a kitchen.
	“If you’re looking for the bathroom,” the woman told her 
helpfully as she stirred a pot of miso soup, “It’s the third door on 
your right.”
	“Thanks, ah . . .”
	“Kasumi, Goddess of Tranquility, First Class, Unlimited 
License, but you can just call me Kasumi,” replied the goddess 
with a sweet smile.
	Akane, having no idea how to reply to that, simply nodded 
and headed into the bathroom.
	“Oh, I do hope Ranma is done with his bath,” Kasumi said 
after Akane had already left.  The wicked little smile that crossed 
her lips for a moment would have been more appropriate on her 
younger sister Nabiki.

	Ranma was lounging in the bath, trying to enjoy one of the 
few pleasures that the mortal world held for him.  He felt so 
relaxed that he didn’t even hear the outer door open.

	Kasumi knelt over her brother and dabbed the bump on his 
head with a damp cloth.  She could have used healing magic, but 
preferred to use magic only when she had to, as it would be 
wasteful to do otherwise.  Akane had to be pretty good with that 
mallet of hers to knock Ranma unconscious.  She sighed.  She had 
thought that once the two of them had been brought together again 
their love would return in full bloom.  Nabiki had warned her that 
things never go smoothly when their brother was involved, but the 
goddess of tranquillity also happened to be an incurable romantic.  
They were, after all, destined to be together.
	If only their memories could be restored, but father had 
forbidden it and it had been enough trouble just to bring them 
together without him realizing.  It was a good thing that he wasn’t 
as omniscient as most people thought.  Maybe it was time to 
contact Nabiki for help, since she was far better at scheming that 
Kasumi.
	“Hi sis,” Ranma said as he opened his eyes, “What are you 
doing here?”
	“Well, since you are forced to remain on Mirgard because 
you were helping me, I thought I would stay here with you to help 
you out Ranma.  Besides, I’m so happy to see my brother 
engaged!” She beamed at him with a smile that could, and 
sometimes had, turned sinners into saints.
	“Wait a minute Kasumi, this was all an accident!  Akane 
didn’t really mean to wish for me to be her fiancé, she sort of just 
blurted out what she was thinking.  Besides, why would I want to 
be engaged to that uncute mortal tomboy?”
	“If it was an accident, then why are you still here?  We both 
know that not even a wish is powerful enough to bind a god against 
his will.  You could break the contract any time you want to and 
return home to Asgard.”
	Ranma looked away from his sister in embarrassment.  He 
had remembered that, but only after he had gotten Akane kicked 
out of her dorm.  There was no way that he could just leave her 
after that.  It just wouldn’t be right.
	“Well, I also know we don’t really grant wishes at random, 
which means Akane really deserves one.  I just don’t feel right in 
leaving her with nothing, especially after making her life worse 
instead of better.”
	“So you plan to stay with her and fulfill this contract by 
becoming her husband?"
	“Yes, no!  What I mean is, yes I plan to fulfill the contract, 
but I don’t have to marry her to do it.  All I have to do is solve her 
problems and maybe find her someone else to marry.  It shouldn’t 
take me too long.”
	Kasumi had to try very hard to surpress her laughter.  
Ranma was the God of Conflicts, much more adept at causing 
problems than solving them, but still his heart was in the right 
place.  Kasumi would do what she could to keep the chaos to a 
minimum and perhaps Nabiki could be persuaded to help as well.  
After all, this whole thing had been her idea in the first place.

“Where are you going?”  Akane asked Ranma suspiciously 
as he donned his coat and made to follow her.
“What?  I’m going with you.”

[Akane is actually the reincarnation of Ranma's first mortal love 
from a long time ago.  A woman he was forced to leave because 
she was mortal.  She was Akane's ancestor and the reason the 
fighting styles are so similar is Ranma had taught it to this woman.  
Because it was effecting his duties, Ranma's memories of her were 
blocked.  They can only be unblocked by a kiss from someone who 
he truly loves (only he doesn't know this).  Ranma has never been 
in love since, and as a result problems constantly plague him.  He 
never seems to be happy anymore.  Since she has been reincarnated 
as Akane, Kasumi and Nabiki have been working hard to get the 
two of them together, without letting father know, since doubt he 
would approve.  Ramna has three sisters, Kasumi oldest (like 
Belldanday), Nabiki middle (like Urd, but self proclaimed goddess 
of fiancée rather than love), and his younger sister Ranko (tech 
head like Skuld).  Ranko will not be happy that her brother is 
staying on Earth and will do anything to disrupt the contract.  She 
will get Akane a hammer garunteed to always hit her brother.  
Problem is that she and Akane become friends.  Ryoga is Ranma's 
godly rival.  Shampoo is a sucubus which Ranma defeated and so 
she thinks that she belongs to him.  She still must consumate their 
match though, so will do anything to seduce him.  Uyko is from a 
rival goddess relief office and was set up to be Ranma's fiance by 
his father (who never told Ranma).  Kodachi is a demon whose the 
enemy of all of the sisters (esp Nabiki), but interested in Ranma.  
Kodachi's father will come and take over the president of the 
school, becoming the headmaster from hell.]

[Akane tries to cook for Ranma and fails miserably.  It won't be 
long before Ranma's sisters come to live at the temple.  It becomes 
the meeting place for the martial arts club, which Ranma becomes 
sort of the mascot to (can't really join, because it’s an all-female 
club).  Kasumi will try to teach Akane how to cook, but without 
much success.  Ranma starts going to school with her, pounds 
Kuno, every guy but him gives up on the morning fights.  Ranma 
recharges by eating massive amounts of food, which balances 
Kasumi who recharges by cooking and other housework.  Nabiki 
charges by making money.  Ranko it’s ice cream.]

Cast:

Ranma, God of Conflicts, First Class, limited licensee
Akane Tendo, mortal, heir to the Anything Goes School of Martial 
Arts
Kasumi, Goddess of Tranquility, First Class, unlimited licensee
	Ranma's eldest sister
Nabiki, Goddes of Resolutions, First Class, limited licensee
	Ranma's other older sister, self proclaimed goddess of 
fiance
Nabiki - Skuld/Urd

Ryoga, God of Travelers, First Class, limited licensee
Uyko, Goddess of ?, First Class, unlimited licensee
	Ranma's true fiance, set up by his father
Shampoo, Succubus Second Class