The Accidental Goddess A Ranma 1/2 - Aa! Megami-sama FanFiction By D.F. Roeder Based on the story idea, "New Life 1/2", by G. E. Jordan, Jr., and used with his kind permission. Thanks for your ongoing interest in this project. --- First Posting Acknowledgments --- Kudos for pre-reading and all-around help go to Vince Seifert, Eternal Lost Lurker, T.H. Tiger, and Chris Rowley. Cheers, guys! Special thanks and deep bows to Vince Seifert for our ongoing discussions and his expertise in matters manga, Japanese language and culture, the art of fiction, general good sense, and other innumerable areas. My work would be far poorer without him. Many thanks to all who responded to Chapter 1. Of those, I would like to specially mention The Major for his mountain of story ideas and Valandar the Red for Mythology 101. --- Revised Posting Acknowledgments --- Thanks go to Douglas MacDougall for his superior C&C efforts and for providing (unintentional or otherwise :) some of the additional gags that made their way into the revised chapter 2. Multiple thanks go, as usual, to Vince Seifert. Let me count the ways... :) --- Disclaimers --- Disclaimers: Ranma 1/2 and the characters therein are the property of Takahashi Rumiko, Shogagukan, and Kitty (Japan), and Viz Communications (USA). Aa! Megami-sama and the characters therein are the property of Fujishima Kosuke (Japan) and Dark Horse Comics and Studio Proteus (USA). No compensation has been or will be received for the composition of this work - it is for free entertainment purposes only. C&C very welcome. Respond to FFML or privately to dfroeder@flash.net. Glossary of possibly unfamiliar Japanese words at the end. ____________________ Chapter Two - Tender Hugs and Kisses ____________________ In the changing room of the Tendo home, the surface of the long mirror on the wall began to ripple. The head of a young brown- haired woman leaned out from the substance of the mirror and looked around. Satisfied that no one would see, Belldandy, Norn Goddess of the Present, stepped out of the glass and the mirror returned to normal. She straightened her housedress and turned to check her hair, but the sound of yelling upstairs drew her attention. She stepped to the door, slid it open, and stuck her head out into the hall. Seeing no one, she walked to the stairway and climbed to the second floor. There, Belldandy saw two women standing in a doorway to a bedroom and two men standing behind them. There was a commotion in the room, and she heard a girl yell "Pervert!" and something about a sister. The two women in the hall fainted, and the men turned and started running for the stairs. They stopped when they saw the stranger in the house, blinked once, and then rushed past her down the stairs. Belldandy still had her hand raised and her mouth open for a greeting, but she was left blinking, her clothes rustling in the breeze of the men's passing. She put her arm down and walked up to the two unconscious women. She laid a hand on each and determined that they were not harmed. Stepping into the room, she saw the new goddess randomly flitting around the ceiling and mumbling to herself, her eyes staring but not seeing. A mortal girl was hopping around on the foot of one leg while holding the knee of the other. "Konnichiwa," Belldandy began and bowed. Both occupants stopped and looked at her blankly. "I'm here to... oh, dear." The other two had resumed their own activities in the middle of Belldandy's introduction. Nabiki's computer monitor began to glow blindingly, and again, everyone stopped what they were doing to look. In a compression of geometry that crossed the eyes and hurt the brain, a pair of shapely, bronze-skinned legs began to exit the screen. They were followed by the start of a dress and then hips. Hands grasped the upper housing of the monitor, and the rest of the woman slid out. The new arrival placed her feet on the chair at the desk and pushed against it to raise herself to a sitting position. Sadly, the chair had rollers, and Urd, Norn Goddess of the Past, found herself hanging in midair a split-second before landing painfully on her bottom. "ITAAAI!" Urd rubbed the back of her head where it had clipped the edge of the desk. Belldandy put her hand over her mouth to cover a giggle, but Urd noticed. "What are you laughing at?" she groused. Belldandy pressed her lips together and waved her hands while shaking her head. Urd gave her the evil eye as she stood and rubbed her butt. "Oof! That smarts." Both goddesses looked at the mortal girl, Tendo Akane, as she joined the other women in unconsciousness on the floor. The new goddess, Saotome Ranma, begin flying in a tight circle, like a toy airplane on a string, and screaming, "They're heeere! They're comin' to get me! Aaaaah! I don't wanna go! Aaaa-- UMPH!!" Urd had reached up and snagged Ranma's ankle on a close pass, causing Ranma's angular momentum to transfer itself downward and pivot on Urd's shoulder joint. Kami-Ranma was now planted face- first into the floor, arms and legs crooked and first and fourth fingers of the hands extended. "Uh... sorry 'bout that," Urd said. "Oh, well." She let go of Ranma's leg, and it fell to the floor with a soft but heavy thump. Belldandy walked over and tsked to herself as she looked Ranma over. "Did you have trouble finding the house?" she asked her sister. "I was beginning to worry." "No..." Urd began, but stopped and grimaced. Using her strongest healing spell, Urd built a weak and sputtering golden glow on the palms of her hands. She reached back and placed them on her derriere. "Aaah! That's the ticket." She gave a final rub and said, "The phone rang just as you went through the mirror. It was Kamisama. I have a name," she gestured at Ranma, "to go with the body, and a couple of other details." "Oh?" Belldandy began to gently turn Ranma over, but gravity took over half-way and Ranma flopped onto her back. "Gomeeen," Belldandy warbled at the unconscious redhead. Urd snickered. "Yeah. Her name's Saotome Ranko. Skuld'll be along shortly with the full skinny." "Hmmm." Belldandy straightened Ranma's features back into something close to normal. "What's her area?" Urd guffawed. "You won't BELIEVE this! Her Area of Influence is Sex." Belldandy blink-blinked while Urd continued to laugh. Smiling weakly, Belldandy looked up at her sister with a mixture of hope and fear. "Dearest Oneesama, I really, um, don't feel that... um, let me see. I think, my dear, dear Oneesama, that perhaps you should be the one to..." "Relax, Bell," Urd smirked. "You can turn off the sugar-drip. I've already been railroaded into it by you-know-who." Urd sighed. "Looks like my bad habits are finally catching up with me." Urd thought as she examined the lush figure of her future student, "Urd," Belldandy admonished, "I know that look. Be careful! She's Class One, and she is NOT wearing any limiters." She brushed aside Ranma's red hair to show the bare rise of an ear. "Yeah, yeah. Whatever," Urd said, dismissing the warning with a wave. Belldandy shook her head. "Help me tend to the rest." The two goddesses soon had Kasumi, Nodoka, Nabiki, and Akane back on their feet. Ranma was still unconscious, and Akane rushed over to check on her. She lifted Ranma's head and shoulders up and shook her. Ranma moaned and weakly clutched at Akane. "Ohhh... Nabiki..." Ranma gasped. Akane dropped her to the floor. "Cheating pervert!" she thought but wouldn't say aloud. She brought her mallet back to give her iinazuke a good wallop, but her hammer was effortlessly stopped a few inches from Ranma's face by Urd's hand, glowing a vibrant green. Urd gave Akane a measured glare. "No, no, kitten. You don't go hittin' one of us." Akane returned the look. "Who the HELL are you to tell me what to do?!" Urd winced at the mention of that other place. "Urd, Goddess of the Past, Class 2, Category 2, Limited, at your service." She finished with a slight bow. Akane snorted. "Yeah, RIIIGHT. Now, if you'll KINDLY get out of the..." Urd levitated three feet up. "You were saying?" she smirked. Akane jumped back. Trembling, she raised her mallet in one hand and made a fist with the other. "C'mon! You don't scare me!" Urd cocked an eyebrow at Akane and then at Belldandy. Belldandy sighed, then reached over and touched Akane on the back of the head. "Sleep," Belldandy whispered. Akane's eyes rolled back up into her head, and she crumpled to the floor. "Aggressive little thing, ain't she," Urd remarked as she floated back to the ground. Kasumi nodded and Nodoka spoke: "You have no idea." The Saotome matriarch shook her head slowly and then fixed Urd with a stern gaze. "I assume you have something to do with this?" She pointed at Ranma, who was again moaning her way back to reality. Belldandy answered for her sister. "Not exactly. We do know what has happened, basically, but we should wait for our other sister for the full story. Perhaps we should all go down and have a nice cup of tea?" The women nodded, and Urd helped Ranma to her feet. Ranma noticed someone still lying on the floor. "Akane!" Ranma stumbled over and knelt next to the unconscious girl, shaking her lightly. Urd raised an eyebrow at Ranma's concern. "She's okay," Urd said. "She's taking a little nap. She'll wake up shortly." Ranma looked at Urd suspiciously. "Who are YOU?" Urd sighed. "Urd, goddess, second class. I'm your trainer." "God-dess...?" "Hai." Ranma shook her head. "Whatever. Won't be the first time." she thought to herself. Keeping one eye on Urd, Ranma lifted Akane up and placed her on Nabiki's bed. She gently pulled the blanket up and tucked it around his sleeping iinazuke. A soft smile had settled on Ranma's face, and Urd's other eyebrow went up. Once Ranma had finished tending to Akane, she and Urd walked into the hall and saw Belldandy waiting for them at the top of the stairs. The three of them descended, Urd still lending Ranma a token hand to steady her. When they reached the bottom, they saw an oversized panda bear with a steaming kettle in its paw patting a crying man on the shoulder and growling in sympathy. Belldandy and Urd looked at each other and then back at the bear. The bear noticed them and poured the kettle over its head. "Hello, I'm Saotome Ge--" "GET BACK!! DEMON!!!" Urd screamed. She let go of Ranma and formed a ball of mana energy between her hands. The energy flew towards Genma and exploded on contact, throwing him through the side of the house and into the stone wall surrounding the compound. He hung there for a moment, first and fourth fingers of each hand extended, and then slowly peeled away and fell face down onto the ground. A nice impression of Genma's stout body was left in the rock. Urd blink-blinked. "Why didn't he disintegrate? That should've sent him straight to Niflheim." Belldandy daintily stepped through the destroyed wall, walked to the body, and placed her hand on it. Her hand glowed briefly. "He didn't disintegrate because he's human." "Eh?!" Urd walked over and kicked him a couple of times. "Yeah... okay." "Urd! You shouldn't kick him after blasting him," Belldandy chided. She clucked over the fallen Genma, providing a little healing energy here and there. Genma slowly opened his eyes, sat up, and looked up at the two women over him. "Wh-where's the truck?" he asked. Urd snickered. "I must apologize for my sister. She's a little trigger happy." Belldandy glared at Urd and then bowed. "Hello, I'm Belldandy, and this is my sister, Urd. Urd, help me get the gentleman up." The Norns supported the wobbly Genma and walked him back through the hole in the house. Soun was still crying, although his wails were now focusing on the notion that the house was about to fall down. "WAAAH! I'm really just *sob* so, SO glad you came to stay with us *sob* Genma..." he wailed. The women of the household, minus Akane and including Ranma, were standing around the foot of the stairway gawking at the spectacle, but Belldandy shooed everyone into the tearoom. Making an educated guess based on apparel, Belldandy coaxed Kasumi into the kitchen to help make tea. Belldandy was puzzled when Kasumi set an additional kettle to heat without preparing any tea for it, but she shrugged it off. By the time Soun's crying had wound down and Genma had more or less recovered, the tea was ready. Everyone relaxed from the sense of normality provided by the serving of refreshments. Soun sat at the head of the table, and Nodoka was seated at the other end. Genma sat next to Soun on one side along with Kasumi and Nabiki. The three goddesses sat on the other side, Urd and Belldandy on either side of Ranma. When everyone had been served, Belldandy spoke up. "I assume that Saotome Ranko, here, is a member of the family?" she asked. "Ranma," Nodoka said curtly. Akane appeared in the doorway and, watching Urd and Belldandy warily, shuffled in to sit at the corner between Nodoka and a still dazed Nabiki. "Ano..." Belldandy was confused. "Ranma, did you say? Then who is Ranko?" "Ranko doesn't really exist," Kasumi chimed in. "That's the name Ranma sometimes goes by when he is, er, in girl form." "He's a crossdresser?!" Urd exclaimed. The Tendos and Saotomes face-faulted. As she rose, Akane noticed that the skirt of Ranma's goddess outfit had fallen over Ranma's head, revealing very form-fitting panties of shiny metallic green. Akane began to feel a little warm. She then noticed that Nabiki had taken a look as well and was blushing furiously as she stared. Flustered and embarrassed, Akane rounded on Ranma. "You PERVERT!!" She started to rise. "Akane! Calm yourself," Nodoka said. "There's more to this than just my son being manly... or something." Akane settled back into her seat, but everyone could tell she was seething. Ranma was hunched over and trying to hide in place. Seeing this, Urd's legendary short fuse began burning. "Right. Fine. What-EVER. Now is Ranko a crossdresser or not?" "Ranma," Genma helpfully supplied. Urd shot him a glare that had him cowering. "Dearest, you're not helping," Nodoka scolded. "My SON has a little problem, thanks to his father. Whenever he is splashed with cold water he turns into a girl, which can be reversed with the application of hot water. It's called a..." "...Jusenkyo curse," Urd finished for her. "Ah! You know of it, then." "Mmmm. You usually don't run into many this far from the source, but I see you each have one. I didn't put it together right away. Sorry about the blast, panda-man," Urd said. Genma was annoyed at the nickname. "Actually," he began haughtily, "there are several who..." "So," Urd interrupted, looking at Ranma while Genma glared, "your name is really Ranma, ne?" Ranma nodded without raising her head. Urd put her hand under Ranma's chin and turned Ranma's head up and towards herself. Urd smiled at her. "Welcome to the family, kiddo." Ranma managed a genuine smile. "Arigatou," she whispered hoarsely. ---------- A pair of cool, brown eyes sat in a classically Northern European face that would've been considered beautiful, were it not for the two slanted lines on her forehead that looked like gashes. Curly dark-blonde hair blew around her face, and her well-formed figure was encased in a black leather cheongsam that softly squeaked when she shifted her position. The outfit was not comfortable for perching in a cherry-blossom tree. She snorted as a man was blown through the wall of the house belonging to the cherry-blossom tree. Her amused expression faltered as the bane of her existence daintily stepped out through the hole. The goodness radiating from her was almost physically painful. The tree-borne watcher sucked in air, but relaxed when Urd, white hair blowing in the breeze, followed Belldandy out. Urd's presence alleviated the pain somewhat. Mara, Demon Class One, grinned as Urd kicked the man after having fried him with a force ball. Mara mused. She scowled as Belldandy cajoled her sister into helping the stout man up and into the house. "Ara?" Mara's spiritual senses went on alert as she felt a strong supernatural presence approach. Her gaze followed the path of the presence, but it was quite invisible. Mara relaxed as she realized it had cast its own cloaking spell and wouldn't reveal her position by taxing her own spiritual camouflage. She could perceive its aura, but the goody-goody Norns would be effectively blocked. Couldn't have them catching on to her presence TOO quickly. The presence resolved itself into a man of beautiful features sitting on the same large branch as Mara. Slight of build, with long black hair and a mildly aquiline nose, he could've passed for a bishonen idol singer, were it not for the hard glint in his eyes and the look of disdain on his face. His demon markings consisted of two slashes, but slanted more to the horizontal than Mara's. "It's been a long time," Mara commented. "And what should I call you in this age?" "Hello, Mara. Looking good, as always." The new arrival smirked as Mara absently twirled a lock of curly hair around her finger in response to the compliment. "Since we're in Japan, Retsujouki- sama will do." "Heh. LORD 'Demon of Lust'? My, my." She gave him an appraising stare. "I was expecting some oglers, but you surprise me, Retsu- chan." Retsujouki quirked an eyebrow at the demoness. "If you must, Retsuji will do." Mara smiled in petty victory as he continued. "I happened to be in the main office when the event occurred. However, I suspect the entire population of both outer planes felt that one." "True..." Their attention was drawn to the crowd assembling around the tearoom table, visible through the open sliding doors. Ranma, in goddess attire, plopped down on a cushion, her back to the watchers and her long rope of braided red hair coiling behind her on the tatami mat. "That her?" Retsuji asked. "Must be." "I assume you're here because of the Norns." He was answered by silence, as Urd chose that moment to come into view and sat to one side of Ranma. "Ah, yes. Urd." Retsuji's eyes began to glow slightly. Mara glared at him, insulted. "Belldandy," she sniffed, "is also here. Haven't seen the runt." It was Mara's turn to be given silence. However, Mara was nothing if not proactive. She slugged Retsuji on the arm. "I'm talkin' to you!" she whispered fiercely. Feeling slighted, Retsuji glared at Mara. Before he could respond, however, the sound of swiftly moving water rose from the koi pond. A deepening whirlpool was forming in the center, and frightened koi could be seen gathering in the corners. Retsuji opened his mouth to speak, but Mara shushed him. "Quiet! It's the runt. Be still!" she softly commanded as the center of the whirlpool began to glow. ---------- Urd smiled at her. "Welcome to the family, kiddo." Ranma managed a genuine smile. "Arigatou," she whispered hoarsely. Her smile faltered as she continued, "Now, whoever you are, just get with turnin' me back to my old self, ne?" "Errr... well..." Urd temporized. She was saved by a commotion in the backyard. Water from the koi pond began sloshing over the rim, and a golden glow began to rise from the center. "Very good," Belldandy declared. "Skuld's here." The Tendo household gawked as the glow receded and a young girl of about thirteen years ascended from the water, long jet-black hair swirling on the rising mist. Her skin was pale, like her middle sister's, and she also had the unusual trio of markings on her forehead and cheeks, although hers were deep blue open triangles with rounded corners, the forehead marking more egg- shaped. The flared skirt of her red-trimmed white overcoat billowed as she levitated over to dry ground. The red and bare- metal head of a hammer strapped to her back poked through the moving hair. She landed and bounced once, flexing her knees a little, and looked directly into the open tearoom. Skuld, Norn Goddess of the Future, began to step in the direction of the house but paused after the first footfall. Looking around, she squinted her eyes to see what it was that had tickled the back of her mind. She briefly considered pulling out her scanning goggles, but the sudden tapping of Urd's hand on the table caught her attention. Skuld stalked toward the tearoom. "It's about time, squirt," Urd jibed as Skuld entered. Skuld gave her sister a haughty look. "Since I'm tired, YOU get to do the honors!" She reached into a hidden pocket of her overcoat and pulled out an object, which she immediately threw at Urd. Urd deftly caught the object, a bracelet, and beamed when she recognized it. Unhappy with the reaction she got, Skuld huffed and turned to her other sister. "Now that we're all here," Belldandy spoke to the group, "perhaps we can get to the bottom of what's happened and figure out what's to be done. Please sit here, Skuld." The youngest Norn plopped down between Belldandy and Nodoka, as far away from Urd as possible on that side of the table. Urd's fascination with the bracelet hadn't gone unnoticed. "Whatta ya got, there?" Ranma asked. "Perhaps the only good thing made by my baby sister," Urd exclaimed. "Grrr." Skuld was ready to jump up and give Urd a thorough verbal beating, but a look from Belldandy barely managed to keep her seated. Urd snorted and held up the shiny silver bracelet so everyone could see the futuristic circuit designs engraved on the surface, a continuous surface by virtue of a half twist in the band. "This," she said gleefully, "is a remote data link AND terminal. The latest in divine-tech." Urd looked around, as proud as if it had been 'her' invention. The blank looks on the mortal faces surprised then irritated her. With a scowl she shoved the bracelet onto her left arm. The bracelet immediately generated a silvery white aura, through which the brilliant rainbow hues of the circuits shone like stars. "TERMINAL!" The humans and Ranma jumped as two gray translucent panels appeared in the air, one vertical and the other almost flat and slanted towards Urd. Their composition had to be guessed at; some thought of smoke, others thought of a light that had no shine, and Genma didn't bother. Urd tapped a few keys, and the vertical panel moved away in a slow upright spin. The panel enlarged to roughly one meter by one-and-one-half meters while rotating to rest flat against the uncluttered wall behind Soun. Urd motioned for him to turn. Ranma watched in awe as, even to her trained eye, Urd's hands ceased to be visible past the wrists. A dull, droning buzz arose from the super-rapid and mechanically precise tapping of fingertips on the flat panel. Ranma thought. Everyone else was busy watching pages of data scroll down fast enough to be a solid blur. After about 15 seconds of watching the screen and typing without looking, Urd abruptly stopped. "Okay, Ranko's file has been downloaded," Urd explained. "Ranma," Genma corrected. Urd glared at him a little harder than before. "Dearest!" Nodoka chided. Genma huffed and turned back to the screen. "ANY-way," Urd returned her attention to the matter at hand. "Here we go." "File subject: Saotome Ranko." Urd spared Genma a withering glance. "Sex: female--" "Ah... no," Ranma interrupted, putting a finger into the air. "Kasumi?" he asked hopefully. "Oh! Right. Here you are, Ranma-chan." Ranma grimaced at the suffix, but took the kettle in good grace-- "Ah...!" Urd tried to interrupt. --and poured it over her head. "Aaaah! That's better. I really... hate..." Ranma's scream threatened to shatter all the teacups on the table. Everyone's eye's bulged. Ranma frantically dumped the remaining contents onto her head, shaking the kettle even after it was empty. Akane lowered her head in shock. "No, no, NOOOOO!!" The water draining off of her face hid Ranma's tears, as she sat holding the kettle up for several seconds. She dropped the kettle and put her head in her hands, trying very hard not to sob. Urd patted her on the back. "I was afraid of this." Ranma whipped her head up in shock. "WHAT?!" With a small smile, Urd put her finger on Ranma's lips. "Tut, tut. Let Mistress Urd do her thing." Skuld rolled her eyes at the 'Mistress'. Urd mumbled a few phrases while placing her hands on Ranma's shoulder and head. Urd concentrated for about 15 seconds and then looked up. "Okay. As I thought, the Jusenkyo magic is still there, but it's sort of been pushed to the side. Magic is rarely gotten rid of; it's usually displaced or transferred. In your case, it was... compartmentalized, I guess is as a good a word as any. Boxed up, for short." Ranma wiped her face and sniffled. "So why am I a *girl*, then?" Urd tapped a few keys on the terminal, and a line on the screen expanded in size a little and became highlighted. "Because *that* says you are." Everyone's head swung to the wall. Ranma blinked in confusion. Urd sighed. "Because you were entered into the system as 'female', female you are and will be. That is now your normal gender." Everyone mortal face-faulted. Ranma became a statue: seeing nothing, hearing nothing, acknowledging nothing. Urd spoke again. "However-- URK!" Everyone rose to see that the statue had cracked, and Ranma had suddenly grabbed handfuls of the front of Urd's robes and was shaking her. "HOWEVER WHAT?!?!" Skuld pulled out her hammer, pushed the button on the handle, and bonked Ranma on the head with the now much longer device. Ranma fell over in a daze. As the handle retracted, Akane stared at the futuristic mallet with no small amount of envy. "Ahem!" Urd straightened her robes. One side had fallen down her arm when Ranma had let go, exposing her shoulder and the generous swell of a breast. Soun and Genma found themselves with the beginnings of a nosebleed. Once properly re-attired, Urd leveled a smoky gaze at both men that had their nosebleeds going full force. Nodoka fumed, but held her tongue. "As I was about to say," Urd continued, as if she hadn't noticed sending the fathers into orbit, "just because the magic is boxed away doesn't me it can't be let out." Ranma had been jolted out of her daze and was now sitting in her place, smiling sweetly at Urd. Urd cocked an eyebrow. "HOWEVER," Urd held her hands palm-out in front of her to prevent a repeat performance by Ranma, "that will require a spell you're nowhere near ready to learn, yet, so get used to it, Ranma- *chan*. You'll be female-only for a while." Assured that Ranma wasn't going to grab her again, Urd settled back and finished the arranging of her outfit. Ranma sat there for a while, not sure what to say and staring into her lap. "It's not like you haven't had to do this before, Ranma," Akane said. Ranma looked up, ready to shoot her mouth off, but the concern missing in Akane's voice was clear in her eyes, and for once, Ranma didn't feed the cycle of insults. She nodded at Akane. "That'll be fine, then!" Genma said for the benefit of Soun, who was beginning to leak around the eyes... severely. "Won't spoil anything, will it, Tendo?" Soun nodded up and down furiously, spraying salt water over the table. The goddesses looked at the fathers strangely, and then with distaste at the flying tears. Ranma bored her gaze into her father, very annoyed at the poor reason for their concern, but it was to little avail. Urd finally shrugged and turned back to the terminal. "Errr, where were we?" "Start over," Belldandy suggested. "Right. File Subject: Saotome Ranko. Sex: Female. Area of Influence: Goddess of Sex--" The group face-faulted... again. Ranma shot up from her seat. "WHAT?!?!" Ranma was glorious in her outrage. "I'm a martial artist, damn it! If I'm gonna be the goddess (oh, help me) of anything, it's gonna be THAT!" "Sorry," Urd said, "but it's entered into the system." Ranma fumed for a second, then rounded on the middle Tendo. "Thanks a LOT, Nabiki!" Still a little woozy from earlier activities, Nabiki jumped. "Huh? Whaaaaat did I do?" "Grrr." "Ranko-, er, Ranma-chan, please." Nodoka desperately wanted this conversation to get on track. She absently patted her ever-present silk-wrapped bundle. Urd looked at Nabiki. "Are you the one who did this?" Being straightforwardly asked for information put Nabiki on firm ground and temporarily overrode the effects of Ranma's earlier touch. She held out her hand and said reflexively, "That information will cost you 1,000 yen." Urd blink-blinked, unsure how to respond, but Ranma spoiled it for Nabiki. "Of course, she did it! Some gag site, 'oneechan'!" Ranma spat, but Nabiki, hearing Ranma's voice, descended back into bedazzlement and gazed longingly at Ranma. Ranma sat back with wide eyes and presented warding gestures. Nodoka puzzled this out and said to her daughter, "Are you saying Nabiki-chan turned you into a... whatever you are?" Ranma slumped and nodded. "How could she possibly be able to do such a thing?" Nodoka asked Urd. Urd scrolled the screen back up and translated. "It says here someone accessed a backdoor into the system. She *shouldn't* have been able to, but somehow the request for system access got through. The why and how is being investigated, I'm sure. Now..." Urd scrolled back to where she'd previously been. "Grrr." Ranma was back to being mad. "Ahem! Moving right along, Area of Influence: Goddess of Sex..." "Grrr." "...Ahem! Class: I. Category: I. Unlimited. How the he-heck that happened is beyond... er, gomen. Age: seventeen." Urd droned on through the rest of the details, pausing after one when interrupted: "Divine Weapon: Katana..." "Aaah! Sugoi!!" Nodoka cheered. "I'm very proud of you, Ranko-, er, Ranma-chan. You will begin training immediately." Both Genma and Ranma winced, although for different reasons. Ranma wearily nodded her assent to her mother. "As long as it doesn't involve a legendary mystical training ground," she sighed. Nodoka suddenly began fidgeting, looking very nervous. Urd looked back and forth between the two, then shrugged. "Last item. Associated Deity or Deities: The Norns." Urd turned to Ranma. "How did you figure on us, anyway?" "Well... there's that little red blinking line that says you're the Cupid of Love, and Nabiki said it was close enough." "WHAT?!?!?! What was that?!" Skuld was instantly in Urd's face, mallet armed and ready. Across the table, Akane's mallet envy rose again, and she resolved to speak to Skuld about a possible replacement for herself at the first opportunity. Nodoka was becoming increasingly annoyed at yet another delay, as Skuld confronted Ranma. "WHAT did it say, again?!" "Uh..." Ranma began to twitch. "I-It said, um, 'Also', um, um, 'the Goddess of Love.' Th-there was a da-dash and her name after it. And... and... and somethin' else, but I forgot. O-okay? Ne?" For some reason the mallet made the young goddess seem much... bigger. The kanji for "pain" floated in front of Ranma's eyes. "Can we get on with this?" Nodoka muttered. Ranma had ceased to exist for Skuld after she got the information she wanted. Skuld rounded on Urd again. "YOU tried to pin this on ME back home, but it's all 'cause of YOU, you, you... I don't know what!" Skuld took to pacing back and forth in front of the opening to the backyard and mumbling to herself, while Belldandy watched with a tired expression. she thought and sighed. Nodoka put her face in her twitching hands. A knocking at the front door finally got loud enough to be heard over the bickering goddesses. Seeing that no one else was inclined to greet their guest, Soun rose and stepped out of the room. A second later Nodoka snapped, slamming her palms on the table and then standing and unwrapping the silk around her katana in one smooth motion. Everyone froze. Urd and Skuld gave the Saotome matriarch a surprised look, not quite believing the implied threat of the sword. "Enough!! I don't CARE whose fault it is! What I DO care about is someone finally telling me what is going on and what's to be done about it!" Flushed and breathing heavily, she glared at the goddesses opposite her. Urd and Skuld meekly took their seats, as did Nodoka after a moment. Urd returned her attention to her terminal. "Uhhh... where were we? Oh, yes. Affiliated Deity or Deities: The Nor..." "Hello, everyone!" cried a harried Dr. Tofu, following Soun into the tearoom. Nodoka's twitching worsened. "Sorry I took so long. Ran into that--" "AAACK!" Ranma shot up out of her seat, intending to walk towards the good doctor, but floated through the air instead, still without any idea of how to stop. "--Kuno boy. Can he ever go onnnn..." Tofu had taken note of Ranma's lack of contact with the ground. Ranma then heard Kasumi pipe up. "Why, hello, doctor," she said sweetly as hearts danced in her eyes. Tofu turned at the sound of Kasumi's voice. He spotted her and, in the split-second before lucidity left, also noticed those same hearts. "KA-KA-KASUMI!! HAHAHA!! Fancy meeting you here!" Knowing the result and in a panic, Ranma turned at approximately a half meter from Tofu and scrabbled at air. Too late. "Oh! Ranma! Akane must've hit you pretty hard if you haven't reached the ground, yet. HAHAHA!" Akane was suitably embarrassed for one second. "Let me fix that for you!" Tofu snagged one of Ranma's flailing cloth-covered feet. "Aaaaah! Ha-ha-hanase!!! *SNAP* *PA-POP* "ChiGAU YO!!" *GRIIINNNND* "IIITAAAIII!!!" *CRACK* *CRACK* *CRACK* "...itetetetete..." *SCRUNCH* "YAAAH!!" *GRIND-POP* "...yameteyameteyamete..." *POPPOPPOPPOP* "WAAAHAHAHAHAAAA...URK!!!" *SNAAAAAAAP* <...ofukuro...> Ranma had been reshaped into a rough disc, and her appendages pointed in the directions of the compass; arms at North and East and legs at South and West. Her face sat in the center of the disc, framed in the round by variously misaligned body parts. Her breasts and cleavage were pushed up a la Wonderbra, and her chin rested on the fleshy shelf. She began to make a slow circuit of the room at eye level as her limbs twitched occasionally and a strangulated baby-doll voice ticked off three-second intervals. "eep... eep... eep..." The Norns had turned a startling shade of pea-green as they watched Ranma being twisted into an anatomically impossible configuration. The remaining spectators were simply resigned to let the incident run its course. Urd was not pleased and a trifle afraid. "HAHAHA! Well, I was glad to be of help! HAHA! Must be going now! Time for Betty-chan's high colonic!" Tofu cavorted out of the room and through the front door. "Woo-hoooo! Hee-heeee!" Nodoka turned to Kasumi as Ranma floated past behind them. "Child, as glad as I am that your doctor friend found his way back to Nerima, you are REALLY going to have to make a move and calm him down." Kasumi turned questioning eyes to Nodoka. "Why, whatever do you mean?" Nodoka face-faulted. "You and I," she grumbled as she returned to an upright position, "are going to have a long talk about this, later." Kasumi winced. Nodoka addressed the room as Ranma passed behind the fathers. "Who usually undoes this kind of damage?" The collective cast looked at various points on the walls and squinched their fingertips up and down. "I'll see what I can do," Belldandy finally offered. She rose and snatched a passing appendage. She dithered a moment, trying to decide where to place her hands in the tangle of flesh. She finally took hold of the nearest arm and leg and began an incantation. "Retrace and spin the thread of memory. Let not your body forget The beauty of its form. Cast off your twisted limbs, Those who cherish your beauty Await its return!" A silvery glow encompassed Ranma and her body unfolded in a second series of snaps, pops, and grinds. Ranma's mouth opened in a silent yell and tears ran from her eyes. Hands flew to mouths among the spectators, desperately trying to keep their tea down. When Ranma had returned to normal, Belldandy released her, but the redhead had passed out from exhaustion and now floated across the table to land in Akane's lap. Ranma cuddled up and whimpered. Urd thought. Akane looked around in a mild panic, but Urd speared her with a look. "Well?" A little put upon, Akane hesitantly gathered the sleeping goddess up in her strong arms and felt a jolt of something pass into her body. A battle raged across Akane's face, little sweat drops appearing all over, but the internal fight against kami-Ranma's influence was over quickly. Akane clutched Ranma tightly to her, and with a blissful smile, rocked her back and forth. Ranma smiled and sighed, snuggling up even closer. "There's going to be a lot of little things to learn as the family of a new goddess," Urd lectured. "One of the things is *that*. In spite of your somewhat, ah, adversarial relationship, Akane-chan, Ranko must love you very much to put herself in your care while resting. It's no small matter for a goddess." Akane's bliss increased to the point that her aura manifested in the pink spectrum. The other women, save a jealous and scowling Nabiki, had hearts in their eyes, and the fathers had pulled out victory fans and were dancing a jig, repeating the same phrase in a sing-song chant, "The schools are gonna join, the schools are gonna join..." The goddesses readily understood the women's reactions, but the fathers confused them. "Ano..." Belldandy began, "are we missing something, here?" Nodoka beamed while she explained. "There is an honor pact between the Saotome and Tendo families that there will be a union between the children to join and strengthen the Saotome and Tendo Schools of Musabetsu Kakutou. As martial artists, Ranma and Akane were chosen to fulfill this obligation. It's wonderful to see it working out so well. It's been a... difficult courtship," Nodoka sighed wearily. "In all likelihood, it will remain difficult, but it seems family honor will be upheld." With a sigh of relief, she laid her katana against the table edge. Nabiki huffed loud enough to break through Akane's warm and fuzzy daze. She looked at Nabiki, clutched Ranma tightly to her bosom, and her aura flared blue over the pink. "Mine!" The remaining family laughed, but the goddesses had blanched and were trading looks. Skuld and Belldandy focused on Urd, who grimaced, then nodded. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but..." Everyone froze and stared at Urd. Urd swallowed once and hesitantly continued. "Um, well, you see, there's a stipulation for mortal ascension, in the unlikely event that it occurs. Heh. All, heh heh, all mortal obligations, vows, bonds, and the like are rendered null and void, including, HAHAHA, arranged marriages." "WHAAAT!!!" Urd drew back and presented warding gestures as she suddenly found herself hemmed in by four angry faces, Akane, amazingly, being the fourth. Ranma had been dumped on the table and sat up blinking. Soun's demon head appeared, tongue coiling around large fangs. "RANMA WILL MARRY MY DAUGHTER!!!" Urd squawked and automatically shot a sizable bolt of mana energy at Soun's chi manifestation. A large hole appeared in the center of the forehead, and the demon head's eyes crossed before it popped out of existence. Soun stood there with a surprised look on his face. "Look," Urd snapped after recovering, "we still don't know if she'll even stay a goddess. Kami-sama may repeal it any moment." "Not happenin'," Skuld stated flatly. She'd been quiet for the majority of the discussion due to weariness and a desire to let her sisters handle the tricky stuff. Now, however, she was the center of attention. "Ummm, what I mean is, it wasn't allowed. Deleting her godhead, that is." Urd's eyes widened and Belldandy leaned in to speak. "Who came forward?" Skuld hummed and dithered. "Well, as you know, Oneesama, but everyone else doesn't, on the rare occasion of mortal ascension, there's always an undo option." She shifted her attention to the rest. "In fact, unless someone important says otherwise, we'll typically undo it and disallow the wish. Even though a wish wasn't involved in this case, the option was still available. As no one had come forward, we were about to undo the godhead, but Kami-sama spoke and said no." Urd and Belldandy sat back and considered the implications. The Tendos and Saotomes looked on in confusion. "HE actually was the one to come forward?" Urd asked incredulously. "Hai!" Skuld chirped. "Why?" Urd asked. Skuld rolled her eyes and managed to look thoroughly put upon. "You *know* how Kami-sama is. Capital-F Fate this; capital-D Destiny that. In other words, HE talked a lot and said very little. She *will* be busted to Surface World Trainee during her training (welcome to the club, kid), but she'll go right back to One, One, Unlimited when she's finished. So sayeth the Lord." Skuld smirked to herself. Belldandy looked at Ranma with some concern, while Urd steamed. "Well, Ranko," Belldandy said... "Ranma," Genma corrected. Urd snarled and vented some of her frustration by popping Genma with a small mana bolt. Genma's soiled bandanna flew straight up off of his bald head. "...um, Ranma," Belldandy continued. "I guess you're the new Class One Goddess of, erm, Sex." Ranma quailed and then shot into the air to hover over the table again, arms out and appealing to every known kami. "I CAN'T be the Goddess of Sex! I ain't even DONE it!!" The group face-fault was heard round the world. ---------- Mara and Retsuji almost fell out of the cherry-blossom tree themselves when Ranma made her declaration of virginity. By hanging onto nearby small limbs, they kept themselves on their perches and were soon back in their original positions. Mara checked the set of her leather cheongsam and then looked at Retsuji. The lust demon's eyes were glued to the movement of Ranma's ample features underneath her clothing. "A Goddess of Sex?! Well... I guess it's a good thing, overall. Think you can take her?" Mara inquired. "Eh?!" Retsuji shook his concentration loose and smoothed back his hair. "What do *you* think? There's not a woman alive who can resist me when I exert my full charm." Mara softly raspberried him. "Right. Whatever. Just one thing, though." "Hmmm?" Retsuji had resumed his redhead studies. "She's not *just* a woman, anymore." Retsuji turned back to Mara with a smirk. "Not a problem. She's too new, and considering her field... Well, just think of it as a done deal. I *know* women." Mara studied the neophyte deity. A warning itch began in the back of her mind. "I don't know, Retsu-chan. Something tells me there's a lot more to this than what's on the surface." Mara rested her chin in one of her palms. "I wonder who her opposite is..." She straightened and looked hard at her companion. Retsuji smiled and inclined his head. "At your service." Mara opened her mouth to voice her surprise, but the entire tree in which they were perched suddenly swayed as several beings hopped up into its branches. Mara and Retsuji looked around in a mild panic. Several incubi and succubi had appeared and were perched in various places, peering into the Tendo residence. The low-power auras of the sex fiends had been buried in the spiritual background noise of this strange part of Tokyo, and the two higher-level demons hadn't sensed their approach. Instinctively, Mara extended her cloaking spell, trying to cover the new arrivals. She felt the load lighten as Retsuji extended his own spell. Mara gave him a grateful look, and Retsuji nodded. Turning, Mara hissed at the nearest newcomer, an incubus with several interesting protrusions on its body and grotesquely oversized anatomy. "You guys've got a lot of balls congregating like this!" The incubus smirked. "Ya got that right, sister." Mara blinked and then realized what she'd said. She scowled. "What in the Seven Sins are you doing here?" "Someone shouted 'Goddess of Sex'," the incubus snickered, echoed by its companions of both sexes, "and we all just had to see for ourselves. Ne! Which one is it?" The heads and upper bodies of the dozen or so sex fiends swayed snake-like as they studied the various women in the house. The cherry-blossom tree began to move with them as their swaying became synchronized. Fortunately, everyone in the house was too distracted to notice. "Disgusting creatures," Retsuji muttered, and Mara nodded in agreement. Mara had no intentions of sharing anything with these low-order mischief-makers and was intensely annoyed at having her scrutiny of the Norns gate-crashed by so many unconnected parties. Another concern was the size of the dual cloaking spell. All one of the Norns had to do was look steadily at the tree, and they would notice not the demonic presences but the large hole in the spiritual background noise. If they didn't notice the tree moving first, that is. The jig would be up, then. Holding onto the branches as the tree leaned to one side and then the other, Mara briefly wondered if she was capable of being motion sick. ---------- People were becoming tired of the repetitive face-planting that the day had brought. All wearily rose to glare at the buoyant Ranma as she looked to the heavens for deliverance. All, that is, except Urd. Urd regained her feet and quickly grabbed the redhead in a bone-crushing hug. "ACK!!" Ranma's arms fanned. Urd looked heavenward herself as she squeezed the already much- abused goddess. "Oh, thank you, Kami-sama! This is a dream come true!" Urd suddenly squeezed harder, mashing Ranma's face into her cleavage. "Fresh and untouched! Ready for my instruction! OOOH-HO-HO-HO-HOOOOO!!" Ranma went purple as blood began to leak from her nose, Akane's and Nabiki's blood began to boil in jealousy, and one or two people wondered where Kodachi was hiding. "Oneesan..." Urd looked down at Belldandy. "Yes?" she warbled. Belldandy pointed at Urd's chest. A faint red stain was spreading on Urd's clothing from the sides of Ranma's multicolored head. "Oh... Well, maybe we can start this some other time." Urd let go, and Ranma zipped away, hacking and sputtering. Ranma swooped and hid behind Akane. She peeked over Akane's shoulder at the white-haired goddess. "Are you all tryin' to KILL me or somethin'?! Akane! Ya gotta SAVE me!!" Ranma screeched. Akane was jolted out of her smoldering anger and spun to look at Ranma. "YOU'RE asking ME for help?!" "Uhhh..." Akane leapt from her seat and tackled her fiancee. "Oh, Ranma! You don't know how much this means to me!" "ACK!" Ranma found herself caught in yet another bone-crushing hug, face mashed into yet another woman's cleavage, and had nowhere to go... except up... several feet. Surprised, Akane let go and instinctively flipped and landed on the table, clipping Nabiki's tea and soaking the scowling girl. Ranma jetted to an upper corner of the room and wedged herself in as tightly as she could, glaring down at her family and guests. Akane stood in the middle of the table and watched Ranma with a hurt expression. Not having been predisposed towards liaisons with Ranma in the first place, the hot tea turned out to be just the thing to break the tenuous hold of Ranma's influence and shock Nabiki out of her bedazzled state. She groaned and slapped her hand to her forehead. Nabiki stood and wandered out of the room and upstairs, mumbling to herself about weird magnets. ---------- Mara was still hanging on, but she was turning interesting shades of blue and green. About a dozen more sex fiends had turned up, and the cherry-blossom tree was beginning to creak as it swayed. Demons and fiends alike jumped when a small figure crashed into the foliage. The figure filtered painfully down through the branches and ended up slung over the same branch on which Mara and Retsuji were sitting. Four or five of the sex fiends gathered behind Mara and Retsuji to see who'd joined their party. The rest went back to swaying. The figure appeared to be an ancient, shrunken, and wrinkled man. He wore dark clothing and had a bandana wrapped around his head and tied under his nose. His face had been flattened in, and two shiny metal objects, Mara wondered, were embedded in his rump. The man groaned, "My... sweet... Ukyou...." He reached around and plucked the offending items from his butt, wearily moving to a sitting position. At that precise moment, Happousai realized he wasn't alone. He slowly turned his head and looked at Mara and Retsuji, seeing even more eyes watching from behind them. Happi blinked and then looked *really* hard, eyes bulging from their sockets. Mara blinked also, and discovered the old man had vanished. She also became aware at that point that something was crawling around inside her cheongsam. She bit off a scream and started beating her clothing with her fists, butt-hopping along the tree limb. At several points in her tour du derriere, she nearly fell out of the swaying tree. Retsuji just watched, fascinated by the display. A bright glowing line appeared down the front of Mara's dress, and she stopped flagellating herself and quickly analyzed it. The glow faded, and a wrinkled, round head pushed up through the cut. Happousai and Mara stared at each other for a couple of heartbeats, then Happi intensely whispered one drawn- out word, "Hoootchaaaaaa..." Mara was livid. Swirls of black energy phased into existence around the demoness as she slowly her hands up to either side of the evil martial arts master. Happi just grinned evilly. "A challenge! I LIKE a challenge! Do your worst, Toots!" Mara snarled and went to grab her attacker with hands burning black, but with his inhuman speed, Happi was already standing several feet away on the tree limb. Mara smiled and returned her steadying hold on the nearby branches. Happi wondered what was going on, when he felt something coming up behind. He took out his pipe, turned around, and easily tossed a rather large incubus high up into air. The incubus, not quite in tune with the physical laws of the mortal plane, kept going up and up and disappeared with a dark twinkle. "Hmmm, interesting," Happi commented. He turned back to Mara, who was now standing, her hands curled into claws. Happi adopted the signature ready stance of his martial arts school, and Mara tensed. "Don't leave me, Ranma-chan!" The combatants dropped out of their stances and looked into the yard to see the new goddess being chased around the compound by an amorous mortal. The tree lurched as it changed direction in its oscillation, and Mara was back to hanging on for dear life. Due to his training, Happousai was unfazed by the shifting surface. His eyes were very busy bulging from viewing Ranma's transformed appearance. ---------- Ranma had been creeping along the join of the ceiling and the wall, heading hopefully for the open door to the backyard. Everyone turned as Urd's monitor began beeping. Everyone turned back at Ranma's cry. With a look of utter panic, she was fanning her arms and bicycling her legs. She abruptly fell straight onto the fathers' shogi board. Tiles flew everywhere and the board was smashed. "No more flying for you, Missy. You've just been busted to Surface World Trainee," Urd smirked. Belldandy had more practical matters on her mind. Soun and Genma had dinner-plate eyes for a second, and then Soun burst into tears. In a flash, Genma was up and in Ranma's pained face. "BOY!! How could you do this to your poor father?!" He put his fists up to his head and clenched his eyes shut as tears squeezed out in a small river. "The Saotome Anything Goes Special Shogi Tile Descending Sneak Attack Ascension technique will never be perfected! It was the last and most devastating techni-- OOF!!" A raging and recovered Ranma had kicked her father into the koi pond. Ranma was huffing and her chest heaved. Akane puddled to the table and watched in a trance as Ranma's breasts went up and down, up and down. Sensing something odd, Ranma turned her eyeballs to the side and observed Akane's stare. She slowly turned her head and the rest of her still heaving body around. Akane's head had begun to bob like a toy dog's in the back window of a moving car. "Uh... Akane? What's..." With a jerk Ranma realized what Akane was entranced with. "GAAAH! HENTAI!!" Ranma crossed her arms over her breasts. "AKANE NO BAKA!" she shot before spinning on her heel and stalking out into the backyard. Akane's face fell. "Ranma?" she warbled. "Ranma-CHAN?!" Akane leapt to her feet, scattering tea things all over the room, and hurried after her iinazuke. "Don't LEAVE me, Ranma-chan!" Ranma turned around and saw Akane barreling towards her, arms outstretched. "YAHHH!" Ranma took off, and a merry chase all around the Tendo compound ensued. Sadly, Ranma's goddess apparel wasn't designed for running. Her foot kept getting tangled in the hem, and she frequently ate dirt. At those times Akane would catch up and glomp the redhead, inadvertently (or perhaps advertently) putting her hands in places that threatened to make Ranma collapse from sensory overload. The chase-fall-down-glomp-get-loose-chase routine lasted about five minutes. At the end, Akane was very close to honestly catching up when Ranma tripped again. Akane plowed into Ranma, and they both slammed into the cherry-blossom tree. The tree had been on the return arc of its sway as Ranma and Akane approached, and the assorted demons and fiends had been leaning in the same direction to maintain their balance. When goddess and martial artist hit the trunk, the tree abruptly lurched in the opposite direction. That left two demons and approximately twenty incubi and succubi treading air. Happousai had managed to keep his footing. Had they been listening for it, they would've heard a blonde demoness speak. "Oh, shit..." What fell from *that* tree was *not* Kami-sama's little green apples. The sex fiends fell into a biting, gnashing, and snarling heap. One incubus got his foot caught in the crotch of a limb and hung upside down, protrusions and what-have-you waving in greeting. Mara and Retsuji, being wiser and far more experienced, recognized a lost cause and bolted out of the Tendo compound in opposite directions. As Ranma and Akane shook off the daze from impact and started moving around, they found themselves the uncomfortable center of attention. Hungry eyes caressed their forms, and the sex fiends began to advance. Akane clutched at Ranma, and Ranma brought them to their feet. A low, silky chanting began in the distance as Ranma and Akane adopted ready stances. Acting on some herding signal, all of the sex fiends leapt at the two at once. While they weren't terribly hurt by it, the fiends weren't expecting to be slammed, punched, punted, and smashed. The pace was furious as the fiends simply got up and came at them, again and again. The occasional lucky grab was swiftly reducing Akane's clothing to shreds; Ranma's goddess attire seemed to be made of sterner stuff. A voice shouted from the house. "Ranma! Akane! You've got to get outta there!" Skuld shouted. The chanting abruptly rose in volume. Ranma gritted her teeth. "Sure. No problem. Sheesh, what a time to get busted from flying." While Ranma dealt with a particularly difficult adversary, she noted out of the corner of her eye that the remainder of Akane's clothing had been torn away, and Akane was sobbing as she fought. "Eh?!" Ranma's clothes burst into flying pieces of white energy that swirled away to surround Akane. The wisps coalesced into an outfit similar to what it'd been before, but the cut of the garment allowed for more protection. "Arigatou, Ranma!" Akane yelled. Ranma fairly glowed until she realized that she was the nude one, now, and the bulk of the attacks had shifted to her. Ranma's aura began to manifest into the visible spectrum; she knew this was going to have to end soon or she and Akane could expect the worst. She was taken aback, as much as the situation allowed, by the whitish gold color of her aura; she'd been expecting yellow. She shrugged and allowed it to continue to build. With a pair of roundhouse kicks, Ranma and Akane managed to clear the immediate attackers enough to allow Ranma to set for a chi attack as her aura reached full intensity. Ranma put her fists together and thrust them over her head. She concentrated her aura in a pattern around them. "Akane! Grab hold of me an' hold on tight!" Akane enthusiastically obliged. "MOKO TAKABISHA REVISED: FLAMING FAN!!" Instead of the expected ball or beam of yellow chi energy, a fat arc of whitish gold power spread out at roughly 180 degrees from Ranma's fists, angling down and hitting their attackers. The resulting huge explosion left crispy sex fiends littered in a wide and flat semicircular trench, pulverized soil raining down and half-burying them. The tinkle of shattered glass echoed from the surrounding houses. The goddesses stumbled in their chanting as their eyes grew large. Urd thought. Happousai had contented himself with watching his heirs to the Musabetsu Kakutou Ryuu fight off the crazed horde, assessing their skills and tactics. He beamed with pride at Ranma's powerful 'chi' blast, although something about it bothered him. His musings abruptly took a back seat when Ranma's clothes disappeared and reappeared on Akane. Happi wasn't terribly interested in how that'd been done; he only had eyes for Ranma's completely nude and *very* female form. Ranma puffed and looked at her handiwork, but she jumped when she felt a familiar and unwelcome pressure on her bosom. She looked down at a grinning Happousai. "Oh, Ranma-chan! You've finally come round to my way of thinking. I'm... so..." Ranma felt the now familiar jolt of love-me juice leave her and pass into her worst nightmare. "Oh, Kamisama. No," she muttered. Happi's pupils had expanded to engulf the whites of his eyes, highlights sparkling in response to a new feeling in his heart and loins. "I LOVE YOU RANMA-CHAN!!!!" Happi screamed as loud as he could. Ranma closed her eyes and screamed, beating on the wrinkled growth attached to her breasts. Rescue came from the side as Akane malleted Happi into the ground and shouted one word. "MINE!!!" Ranma blinked. "Er, thanks, Akane." Akane's smile lit up the night, but her gaze turned smoky as she looked Ranma up and down. Ranma thought. A distant whistling caught her attention, and she looked up to see a twinkle appear and grow rapidly larger. Happi was angry, and hot chi was rising from his form in waves. "How DARE you come between me and my Ranma-chan! You're going to pay--" *WHUMP!!!* Ranma, Akane, and the stirring sex fiends blinked. The large incubus Happi had sent into the stratosphere earlier had returned to almost its exact point of departure, burying itself and Happousai six feet down. Ranma and Akane jumped as streamers of gold energy began to rise from the ground. "Ranma!! GET OUT OF THERE!! NOW!!!" Skuld screamed. Ranma grunted and embraced Akane. Pausing only to blast a sucubus that'd gotten a little too close, she cleared the trench with a leap and landed behind the chanting goddesses, but she stood only a moment before collapsing. Akane bent down in concern, and Kasumi and Nodoka hurried over, but before they could speak, the goddesses ended their chanting with a heavenly command. "Begone! Begone!! BEGONE!!!" The density of the streamers of energy rising from the ground around the cherry-blossom tree suddenly increased, and a solid glow came into being. The sex fiends began to waver, their substance thinning until they simply winked out one by one. Happousai floated up out of the hole he'd been pile-driven into and looked around, blinking. He spied the goddesses still standing with their arms raised. "Sweeeeeeetoooooo..." He then vanished, his voice trailing away into a distant echo. With the departure of Happousai, silence reigned in the yard as the glow quickly faded away. The Norns slumped; Urd bent over and put her hands on her knees to catch her breath. "Bell-chan, this is going to be some assignment," Urd ventured. "I fear you may be correct, Oneesan." Bell fanned herself with one hand while wiping perspiration with the other. Skuld just stood there, breathing heavily and collecting her wits. "I don't understand why," Urd puffed, "the little man was taken, too. It should've only affected those from Niflheim." "Maybe we didn't make the spell specific enough," Belldandy considered. "Yeah," Urd said, "maybe not--" The concerned noises and stomping coming from behind them finally caught their attention. Genma and Soun were dancing a jig, arms locked and victory fans out. The goddesses erroneously concluded that the men were celebrating their victory over the demons, but true to form, Genma and Soun were only celebrating Happousai's banishment. The goddesses turned their attention to the concerned noises. Ranma lay on the ground, looking very pale and close to unconsciousness. In that way of hers, Kasumi had found a blanket to preserve Ranma's modesty, and Ranma had gratefully wrapped herself up in it before collapsing again. "Oh, dear." Belldandy rushed ahead of her sisters and knelt down next to Ranma. "Were you injured?" Belldandy asked. Ranma shook her head weakly. Belldandy placed a hand on Ranma's forehead and closed her eyes for a second. "Ah!" She opened her eyes and looked at Urd. "Oneesan, Ranma-chan has depleted her mana reserves. Please see what her recharge method is." "Well, Akane could always put one hand on Ranma's breast," Akane perked up, "and point the other--" "Oneesan!" Urd winced and hastily returned to the tearoom, calling her terminal back up; it had been shut down when the disturbance in the backyard began. She scrolled through the file and raised her eyebrows a little when she found the desired information. She shut down and returned to the group outside. "Okay, people. We need some coffee... fast!" Urd commanded. Everyone blink-blinked. "I'm very sorry, Urd-sama," Kasumi said, "but no one in the house except Nabiki drinks coffee that much." "Yeah, and I always go to the ABCB when I'm in the mood," Nabiki added. "Well, someone will have to go and get some!" Urd huffed. "And dear? Just Urd, ne?" Kasumi nodded. "If you're that in need of stimulation, we do have some rather strong tea," Nodoka suggested, slightly irritated. "Gomen, but it's for Ranma-chan. It's her recharge method. Well... her primary one, anyway." Everyone including the remaining Norns looked at Urd in confusion. "Recharge method...?" "Primary...?" Skuld eyed her eldest sister suspiciously. "Primary method?" Urd looked at Ranma strangely. "It seems our new Goddess of Sex is just one set of dualities after another. Coffee works for her like ice-cream does for you and sake for me, but she can also get some small relief from, uh, well..." The cast leaned in. "... heh heh, from, erm, ...tender hugs and kisses?" Everyone thumped to the ground in a group face-fault. "Great. Juuust great," Ranma groaned. "'Hiya! I'm feeling a little peckish. Could you spare a smooch?'" Kasumi straightened her dress as she stood. "Since we need it so badly, I'll hurry down to the market before it closes." "Bell, you feel up to..." Urd began. "I'm tired, but I'm good for a little longer, yet. Considering all the 'things' out and about, I'll accompany Tendo-san," Belldandy offered. Kasumi smiled at the goddess gratefully. "You honor me, Belldandy-sama." Kasumi bowed. "Please, just Bell to my friends." Belldandy returned the bow. "Then, just Kasumi." Another bow, blushing. Belldandy bowed back. "Of course..." "ARGH! Just go get the coffee!" Urd pleaded. "And some sake for me. I'm pooped." "Ice-cream! Rocky Road, if they have it," Skuld added. Embarrassed, the two bowing ladies hurried into the house. Kasumi collected her purse, and in a flurry of skirts, they swooped out the front door. Genma looked at Soun. "Tendo?" "Saotome?" "Hasn't this whole business been just a little TOO strange, even for us?" "Quite. The path of a true martial artist is fraught with peril... and the bizarre." "Quite, Tendo." Genma sniffed the air. "Time for a game of shogi." "Indeed." The fathers walked into the tearoom and froze. Tears ran in rivers as they stared at the destroyed shogi board. "How could this happen to such an innocent thing?" Genma sobbed. He raised a fist into the air. "You will not go unavenged!" Nodoka shook her head at the fathers' adolescent behavior, then returned her attention to her son, er, daughter. "Ranma-chan, until Kasumi and Belldandy-san return, Akane will help keep your strength up. Akane-chan?" "Hai!" Still under kami-Ranma's sway, Akane crawled under the blanket with Ranma and smothered the redheaded goddess in a full- body hug any Amazon would've been proud of. "Mine," she whispered to Ranma. Ranma looked into Akane's eyes and her heart fluttered. Akane then lightly and repeatedly pecked Ranma on the cheek, embarrassing the goddess as everyone watched. Ranma looked at her mother with pleading eyes. "Mommmm!" she complained, but Nodoka gave her a stern look. "Whining is not very manly, Ranma." Ranma sighed as Akane pasted her face with feather-light kisses. "Great. Juuust great." ____________________ A plaid skirt, pressed white blouse, white stockings, and white flats were not Mara's favorite ensemble, but she'd shifted out of her ruined black leather cheongsam in order to blend in somewhat as she fled from the Tendo compound. The strength of the cloaking spell and the length of time it'd been held had left her somewhat drained and in no shape to face the Norns. She wondered what had become of Retsuji. she thought. She huffed and turned a blind corner. Mara took one step and ran into the chest of a tall man. Surprised, she tripped as she stepped back and fell on her rump. She looked up into a face of noble bearing, and the formal martial arts attire and the bokken resting across his shoulder lent a certain mystique to the figure. Mara was speared and her heart fluttered as his dark, almost black eyes focused on her and the man bent down to offer his hand. "My apologies, fair lady. The Blue Thunder was mired in thoughts of grave importance. But it is only testament to the greatness of House Kuno and its peerless scion that such beauty be cast before me. Kuno Tatewaki, age 17, at your service." Fortunately, Mara didn't register the words so much as the tone and strength of his voice. She blinked at him and remained motionless. "Ah, as I suspected. You are overcome by my magnificence. Please," Kuno whipped out a bouquet of a dozen red roses, "take these as a token of my esteem." Since she made no move to take them, Kuno placed the roses in Mara's lap. "Now you must forgive me, for I am about the business of freeing my two worthy loves from the clutches of a foul sorcerer. Adieu, belle demoiselle." And with that, Kuno stepped around the still stunned Mara and walked down the street, snatches of Shakespearean soliloquy drifting on the air. Mara looked down and slowly took hold of the flowers and lifted them to her face. The roses were only beginning to open, and the sweet scent rose in the warm night air. Mara smiled dreamily as thoughts of being crushed in the man's arms slid through her mind. His head would lower menacingly, and his mouth would part, revealing razor-sharp white teeth. Their lips would meet, and she would cut her tongue on his canines, the taste of blood driving their passion higher and higher and... "Ite!" Mara sucked her thumb where a thorn had punctured it. She grinned. "'By the pricking of my thumb, Something *wicked* this way comes.' Look out, sword boy. You may say no, but the omens say yes, yes, YES!" Giggling madly, Mara leapt to her feet and skipped down the sidewalk, disappearing in a whirlwind of sulfur and brimstone. ____________________ END CHAPTER TWO ____________________ GLOSSARY Ara(?) - "What?"; "Huh?"; "Oh, my!" chigau yo - "You got it all wrong", or words to that effect. ecchi - "pervert" or "perverted" gomen; gomen ne; gomen nasai - "sorry" hanase - "let me go" hentai - "pervert" and/or "lecher" iinazuke - "fiance(e)" itetetete - the elision of "ite" ("ow") being said repeatedly. [someone] no baka - calling someone a "jerk" or "idiot". ofukuro - "mother" oneesama - "honored older sister" yamete - "Stop"