The (sur)Real World
Part 2: And Now, the Ladies...
By Rod M
Urd moped.
"I'm bored." she muttered. She went to the living room, where Keiichi
and his sisters were watching television.
She sat down, still bored.
"Hey, what's wrong with you?" asked Skuld.
If she had the energy to, she'd say I'm Bored With Life Here On This
Plane Of Existence And I'd Really Like To Go Back To The Other Side Now,
Please, Before These Mundane Everyday Things That My Sister Seems To Find
So Fascinating Drives Me Insane.
But instead...
"Bored."
"Oh."
Several hours later...
Keiichi was asleep. So was Belldandy. Skuld was out there somewhere
messing with something small, mechanical, and hazardous.
Urd was still watching television.
Y'know, she thought, it'd be amusing to have a life like one of those
they keep showing on television.
Wait... to be on a television show.
Hm...
This was an idea.
=The Surreal World=
Writer: Rod M.
Story Concept: Isabel A. "Izzy-chan"
Advisory Board: Fanfic ML
-M- Productions
PART 2: And Now, The Ladies...
At NBN studios...
"So the "Real World" thing is rolling along, is it?"
"Yeah. Today's the start of production."
"Everyone's arriving?"
"We've got all the guys in already. All the cameras and microphones are in
place. However... the ladies haven't show up yet."
"Hm. Strange."
"By the way, did you give the camera guy the guidelines?"
"Guidelines? What guidelines?"
*
*RING*RING*RING*
//Hello.//
"It's me, Saito.//
//Hey boss, howya doing? Is there a problem?//
"Yeah, listen carefully. There's a few rules you've gotta follow."
//Rules?//
"First of all, try not to get involved in the going-ons."
//Not get involved? I gotta run around the house with a big camera!//
"Um, wear a kuroko outfit."
//That all-black outfit?//
"That's the one. Now, secondly, don't talk while filming."
//Uh huh.//
"Third, don't get all friendly with the cast."
//Why's that?//
"This show is about THEIR life, not their life with YOU."
//Ah, I see.//
"And don't even think about dating them."
//Damn, and that Madoka girl was so...//
"Hey!"
//I hear ya, I hear ya.//
*
Washu, one of the greatest scientific minds in the history of the
universe, was annoyed.
Incredibly so.
"I'm sorry!" said Mihoshi, looking scared and apologetic, "I didn't
mean to! Really!" She tried to pick up the pieces of something
complicated, electronic, and smashed.
"No! Don't touch it! I can still fix it, but JUST DON'T TOUCH IT!"
Washu picked up the pieces, irritation marking every movement she made,
and walked towards her exit.
"First the Cabbit dung and now this," she muttered.
*
Tenchi walked towards the house, a large stack of mail in his arms.
One envelope, a rather ordinary one, slipped out and drifted into the wind...
*
Ataru looked at the camera man with an odd expression.
"Hey, what's with the kuroko outfit?"
"Ignore me. Boss's orders."
"No kidding...."
*
A man, sitting down at a rather small table, with a cigarette in his
mouth and his eyes hidden by bangs, watched the evening news.
//And in the Nerima district today, more mysterious explosions-//
"Nuku-Nuku!"
"Yes Papa-san?"
"You've been fighting with Emi again, haven't you."
"Um, yes, but I, she, well..."
Kyusaku Natsume was one of the greatest scientists in Japan. He was one
of the leaders in the field of android design. In fact, he's the first
scientist to ever manage to plug a cat's brain into an android body. However,
the results had been mixed.
"Nuku-Nuku, you've got to be a little less destructive when you're out
there. People could get hurt, you know..."
"Sorry, Papa-san."
Kyusaku rifled through the day's mail. Something caught his eye. Mail
for Nuku-Nuku? That was strange... He opened it anyways.
"Hm. Interesting. Ah-ha!"
"Papa-san, what's that?"
"Nuku-Nuku, you're going to take a few lessons in normal human
interaction!"
"What does that mean?"
"You're going away for a while."
*
Washu was mad.
Again.
It was the twentieth time in 1/4th as many days...
"Er, sorry 'bout that, um, mom," said Ryoko nervously. She'd never
seen Washu enraged before. It was a disturbing sight.
"I'm sorry as well," said Ayeka, "we shouldn't have been fighting like
that in the house..." She was as nervous as Ryoko.
Washu was red. Every bit as red as her hair. In her arms was
something complicated, electronic, smashed, and now shot by laser fire.
She didn't say anything.
She dropped the thing.
She went out the door.
"Y'know, this could be bad," said Ryoko, "she's been breaking
complicated and electronic stuff all week, and blaming us..."
Washu jumped back in. "YOU =ARE= TO BLAME, YOU IDIOTS!!!!" She went
back out.
"Wha... wow, she yells good, don't she?" said Ryoko, shaking her head.
"What? I can't hear you," said Ayeka, "I think something's wrong with
my ears."
*
There was a knock at the door.
"I'll get it," said Ataru.
"Be nice," warned Kyosuke.
"Aren't I always?" He opened the door.
"Hi, this is the place where they're filming that show?" said a
platinum-blond woman in a rather proffesional business outfit.
"Yes, especially if you're staying here." Ataru smiled. Wow, he
thought, she's incredible!
"Excuse me," she said, "but would you mind letting go of me?"
Ranma looked towards the door. "Hey, Kyosuke, get the crowbar.
Ataru's doing it again. Sorry about that, miss, we'll have him offa you
in a minute."
"That won't be necessary," she said.
*ZAP*
(Camera is aimed at Urd, sitting on the couch. She's relaxed.)
URD: I'm Urd. Just Urd. My job? Um... relationship councilor.
Anyways, I thought it'd be interesting being on a tv show.
KYOSUKE: (off camera) Hey, what'd you do to Ataru?
RANMA: (off camera) Yeah, he's out cold.
(Camera swings to the front door. Ataru is on the floor, out cold.)
(Camera swings back to Urd.)
URD: Oh, um, pressure points.
KYOSUKE: Ah.
RANMA: Your name is Urd? Strange name, ain't it?
URD: It's Norwegian.
KYOSUKE: Oh, that explains it then.
URD: Explains what?
KYOSUKE: You looked kinda foreign.
URD: I hear that alot. What's with the guy in the kuroko outfit
and the camera?
KYOSUKE: He's the camera man. We have to ignore him. It's part of the
policy.
URD: Right. Now if you'll excuse me, I think I'll get unpacked.
Washu walked around the grounds, trying to regain her composure.
A bad day was no big deal.
A bad week was something else entirely.
"Hey, what's this..." She picked up a letter. Hm... adressed to
Tenchi, is it? She opened it.
Free housing for three months?
_Away_ from this place?
"This," said Washu, "oughta be mine."
"Hey, what's that?" asked Tenchi.
"GAH!" She turned around angrily, obviously surprised. "Don't you _ever_
do that to me again!"
Tenchi stumbled back. He'd never seen Washu angry before. It was
something entirely new, and also unsettling.
"Um, this?" she said, holding up the letter, "This was for you."
She handed him the letter.
He read it.
"Three months away from here? I'll take it!"
"Tenchi," said Washu, "you know that Ryoko and Ayeka can follow you
anywhere. _Anywhere_. Do you really think you're getting away?"
Tenchi's head lowered. "Um..... no."
"And do you want to have their daily squabbles broadcast throughout all
of Japan?"
"No..."
"Good. Now give that to me."
"What?"
"Give. That. To. Me." She held out her hand expectantly.
He thought about it. Well, with her out of the way, there'd be no
more crazy experiments conducted on _him_ anymore. That's not bad.
"Okay. Go."
"Ah, a break at last. Maybe I'll even get some insight into what makes
the human side of you tick, Tenchi."
"Hey! You'll be on television! Don't go around doing outrageous things!"
Washu looked shocked. "Like what?"
"Well, don't experiment on them like you do on me."
Washu turned around and walked away.
DON'T experiment on them?
She hadn't thought of experimenting ON them... just observing...
But now that Tenchi mentioned it...
Hmm... maybe one or two tests wouldn't hurt.
*
"Hello, young people!" said Kyusaku in a loud voice, "I am Kyusaku
Natsume, and this," he put an arm around Nuku-Nuku, "is my daughter Atsuko!"
"Hiiiii!" she said happily.
Ranma, Ataru and Kyosuke all said "Hi" in return.
"I, um, assume your daughter is staying with us?" asked Kyosuke.
"That is correct!"
Ranma and Kyosuke looked at Ataru.
"What? What're you looking at me for?"
"Anyways! I felt that I should personally bring her here, and explain to
you some things!"
"Mr. Natsume, we understand that you'd feel concerned for your daughter,"
said Kyosuke, "but we'll be perfect gentlemen around your daughter."
Ranma elbowed Ataru. "Ain't that right, Ataru?"
"Yes, of course!"
"Well, that's good to know, but there is another thing I should explain!"
continued Kyusaku. "She may behave like a cat sometimes. Please, do not be
alarmed!"
"Hey, she wasn't dumped into a pit of cats, was she?" asked Ranma.
"Well, er, sort of. At a young age she had an accident and as a result
she has acquired cat-like mannerisms! Yes, that's it!"
"Loud, ain't he?" whispered Ataru.
The three of them looked Atsuko over.
Not bad, kinda cute, in a cat-like way, thought Ataru.
Ranma looked at her with sympathy. Nobody should, he felt, ever be put
through anything like the hell that was cat-fist training which he had
endured.
Kyosuke thought she looked like a normal girl, although he found himself
with a sudden craving for tuna and horsemeat. He shook his head.
"Um, Miss Natsume, go ahead and pick a room. There's plenty around."
She looked at Mr. Natsume. "Miss Natsume? Where?" she asked.
"Hey, Nuku-Nuku, he's talking to you."
"Nuku-Nuku?" asked Ataru.
"That's what we normally call her."
"Oh. I see. Ah, Miss Nuku-Nuku, may I *ugh*"
"Don't even think about it, Ataru," said Ranma.
"What?!? I was just gonna show her the bedrooms!"
"Exactly."
"Well, I see she's in good hands, so goodbye!"
"Bye Papa-san!" Nuku-Nuku hugged her 'father'.
*cough* "Not so tight, Nuku-Nuku."
(camera is aimed at Nuku-Nuku, who's looking quite cheerful. She's sitting
on the couch, with Ataru to her left and Ranma and Kyosuke to her right.)
RANMA: So go ahead and pick a room. There's plenty upstairs and downstairs
still empty.
NUKU: (looks thoughtful) I guess I want an upstairs one. I like to go
to the roof alot.
ATARU: You too? What a coincidence! In fact, your bedroom will probbably
be next to mine!
KYOSUKE: (muttering) He's worse than Komatsu and Hatta...
NUKU: (suddenly noticing someting in the background) A MOUSE!!! YAY!!!
(she sprints off after it, like any cat would. The three boys look
at her strangely.)
KYOSUKE: Well, I have no idea what to say about that.
ATARU: Maybe if I buy her some catnip... (Ranma stomps on Ataru's foot)
OW! Hey! What's the big idea?!?
"So, we've gotta get jobs, huh?" said Ranma.
"Well," replied Kyosuke, "I've already got a job as a photographer's aide
down at the newspaper company."
"A job, eh?" Ataru put his palm on his chin and thought. "I've never had
a job before... well there was that ONE job at the baths..."
"A bath? You had a job at a bath? Not with women in the building, right?"
asked Kyosuke.
"Well, yeah, but I ended up having to scrub the backs of these old fogies
and hags. It was a nightmare."
"Nuku-Nuku's got a job!" she proudly said.
Everyone looked at her.
"I'm a waitress at Akie's restaraunt!" She seemed rather proud of that
little fact. "In fact, there's openings for waitresses if you wanna work
there!"
"Um, Nuku-Nuku, guys aren't waitresses," said Kyosuke.
"Me? A waitress? I don't think so," said Ataru. "I guess I gotta go buy
the newspaper today and have a look at the jobs section."
Ranma appeared thoughtful for a moment, then bad flashbacks of working at
the Nekohanten hit him. No, he thought to himself, I'm a guy. There's no
way I'm gonna work as a waitress. Well, maybe as a last resort.
*
A young man opened the door, dressed in a rather sharp looking tuxedo and
mask. "Excuse me," he said quickly.
"Who's that?" asked Nuku-Nuku.
"Mamoru somethingorother," said Ataru. "I wouldn't worry about it. He
just comes and goes. You get used to it."
Mamorou zoomed by again, "seeyalater."
"Hey! You've got dishwashing duty tonight!" yelled Ataru.
(camera is on a door on a wall. Ranma, Ataru, and Kyosuke are looking at it
curiously.)
RANMA: I'm just checking with you guys, but there _wasn't_ a door here
before, was there?
KYOSUKE: I don't think so.
ATARU: Hm. Most ominous. (the two look at Ataru strangely.)
Eh. Sorry guys, I guess I've been hanging around monks too much.
KYOSUKE: Monks?
ATARU: Small monk. Long story. I'll tell ya later.
KYOSUKE: So.... open it.
ATARU: Who, me?
RANMA: Jeez, you cowards, I'll open it. Uh... wait a minute, there's no
doorknob.
ATARU: Very ominous.
RANMA: CUT THAT OUT!
(Suddenly the door opens. The three freeze. What appears to be a twelve
year old girl with really spiky red hair sticks her head out the door.)
GIRL: QUIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEET!!!!!!!
(Door slams shut. The three have stumbled back, looking very dazed.)
ATARU: Gah, my ears!!
RANMA: What?!
KYOSUKE: What's that?!
ATARU: What'd you say?!
RANMA: Can't hear ya! I think something's wrong with my ears!
KYOSUKE: What's that?! I can't hear you!
Inside her enormous lab, Washu sighed. She realized that she'd better
quiet down the natives before their noise drove her crazy. Now how to
approach the situation?
In all species, an elder creature is usually given more respect, therefore...
(Camera is on the door. The boys are about to walk away when the door opens
again. They cringe and cover their ears. A young woman emerges, with
spikey red hair.)
WOMAN: Sorry about before, I guess introductions are in order, no?
ATARU: (finally turning around and lowering his hands) Ah, yes, well,
beautiful women are always right. Allow me to introduce myself
first. I am Ataru Moroboshi, currently single. Wanna date?
WOMAN: Say, you're engaged to Princess Lum of the Oni Empire, aren't you?
ATARU: Hey, you're not a... no... I don't see any horns...
WOMAN: I am Washu, one of the greatest scientific minds of the universe!
(The three boys aren't sure how to react to that, so they don't.)
ATARU: So you're from space. Howzabout you give me a tour?
WASHU: Maybe later. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got work to do.
(She goes back into her room.)
ATARU: Hey, wait a minute! (He zooms into her room before anyone can
stop him or close the door. The door shuts afterwards.)
RANMA: We're living with an alien. I can deal with that.
KYOSUKE: And I thought life would be kinda normal around here.
RANMA: You too?
(The door opens. Ataru zooms out, looking like he was thrown out, and he
sails off-camera.)
KYOSUKE: Well, it looks like Washu can take care of herself.
RANMA: Yeah, but who was that little girl?
KYOSUKE: Little sister maybe?
Urd teleported into her room quietly, setting down miscellaneous items
that she left at the temple.
In her lab, Washu looked at a monitor, and then slapped it on the side.
"Damn interference," she muttered.
*
"So let's see," said Kyosuke, "that Mamoru guy, Washu, and Urd took the
downstairs rooms, and it's you two, me, and Atsuko on the second floor."
"We've still got one empty downstairs," said Ranma.
"I think that's because that Washu lady set up her own room."
"Aliens do stuff like that. You get used to it." Ataru's stomach
grumbled. "I guess I'll raid the fridge again."
"I guess I'd better start looking for a job," said Ranma.
"That reminds me, I've got an appointment later with my dad's
friend in the newspaper business," said Kyosuke.
(camera is aimed at Urd, who's sitting on the couch, eating potato chips,
and watching television. Nuku-Nuku walks behind the couch, notices Urd,
and walks up behind her.)
NUKU-NUKU: Hi there!
URD: (surprised and spilling potato chips) Gaaaah! (Looks at
Nuku-Nuku) Oh, hi there. You one of the live-ins here?
NUKU-NUKU: Yup. I'm Nuku-Nuku.
URD: (Looks at Nuku-Nuku carefully, then scratches Nuku's
hair) Nice kitty. (Nuku is reacting very much like a cat
would) I'll getcha some salmon later.
NUKU-NUKU: Really? Thanks! (looks at the camera strangely)
Why's that man dressed up like that?
URD: The guy in black? Just ignore him. Everyone else does.
NUKU-NUKU: Oh, okay.
Something about today was different.
Something... new?
No... missing?
Keiichi finally realized exactly what it was that was different that day.
"Hey, anybody seen Urd lately?"
*
Washu left her lab momentarily, thinking that she'd best get a good look at
the new area that her lab had a connecting door to. Although it didn't look
like it, Washu was observing everything.
"Hm," she said as she entered the kitchen, "there's more of that primitive
food-burning equipment. Never did like using those." Then she noticed a boy
and a girl sitting at a kitchen table.
"Hello, hello. I'm just having a look at the house, don't mind me. You,"
she said, pointing to the boy, "you were one of the guys at my door..."
"Yes. I'm Kasuga Kyosuke, and this is Nuku-Nuku."
"Hi!" Nuku said happily. She resumed munching on a sardine.
"Ah, we haven't met. My name is Washu. I'm a genius."
Washu stared at her oddly, whipped out a device that looked like a
magnifying glass with an overabundance of technology, and examined her.
"Hm. Nice job," she said. She reached over and patted Nuku-Nuku on the
head. "Good kitty."
Nuku-Nuku smiled. She loved being petted when she was still in a cat's
body.
"Why, may I ask," said Kyosuke, "are you treating her like a cat?"
"Because she is one."
"She _thinks_ she's a cat, but she isn't."
"No, she's definitely a cat."
"But-"
Washu ignored his protests. "Hey, Nuku-Nuku, if you need anything fixed,
just ask, okay? I gotta inspect the rest of this place. See ya later."
*
Mamoru entered the house through the normal route (the front door).
He was relieved that his housemates had accepted his habit of being
in-and-out of the house alot. Well, they didn't seem to care.
He was also relieved that they weren't awake to ask any questions.
As Mamoru reached his room, there was a note taped on it.
|DON'T FORGET THE DISHES, OR ELSE - Your roommates.|
"They've got to be kidding."
-end-part-2-
Next: On The Air!
or
Meanwhile, Back At The Dojo...
Character Guide: The Ladies
Urd: from Ah! My Godess! The eldest of three sister godesses. Tall,
long-haired platinum-blond, very attractive, with a weird little
symbol on her forehead. She usually messes around with love and
the past. She's messed around with magic potions in the past.
Age: looks like young 20's, but is much much older than that.
Oh yeah, her cooking is often suspect.
Washu: from Tenchi Muyo. She's very very old, with long yet spiky hair
(reminds me of a porcupine in a wind-tunnel. think about it.) She
can change her appearance from that of a young girl (12?)
to a woman (20s?), although she prefers the younge look. She's usually
busy with scientific studies and I don't recall her ever really loosing
her temper too much either. She ain't too keen on cooking either.
Nuku-Nuku: From All Purpose Cat Girl Nuku Nuku. Take the brains of a cat
and stick it into the body of the Terminator. You get the idea.
She's somewhat naiive and innocent, and incredibly destructive in
battle situations. Pink-haired, with a pair of Ryoga-ish fangs
and a pair of robotic "wings" that pop out of her head when she's
stressed in battle or really interested in examining something.
She hasn't eaten a food she didn't like yet. She appears old enough
to be in high school, although her mental state is questionable.
She's demonstrated that she has some ability to cook, or at least
make breakfast.
-Rod M.
-rpm39788@bayou.uh.edu
CREDITS AND LEGAL JARGON
Isabel Arantes - concept creator
R. Beaubien - overdosed me on SM facts %O
White Wolf
J. Hedge
P. L. Ward
J. Blackman
J. Fong - massive de-bugging
D. Bateson
R.K. Bentley
H. Sora
W. Lik
D. L. Pinnock
anybody else on the fanfic ML that I forgot.
OWNERSHIP 'n stuff
The Real World is done by some guy at MTV.
Ranma 1/2 & Urusei Yatsura created by Takahashi Rumiko.
Kimagure Orange Road created by Matsumoto Izumi.
Sailor Moon created by Takeuchi Naoko.
Tenchi Muyo created by Kajishima Masaki.
All Purpose Cat Girl Nuku Nuku created by Takada Yuuzou.
Oh! My Godess created by Fujishima Kosuke.