Conversations
A Ranma � and Yu Yu Hakusho crossover
By White Cat
Ucchan�s was brightly lit by the light that streamed in through the open windows, and the brown-haired girl who owned and ran the little restaurant was cheerfully flipping the second biggest love in her life: okonamiyaki. And after a few minutes, the first love in her life slipped through the doors and made his way casually towards the counter.
�Ranchan!� she squealed happily, ignoring the strength in her flip, sending the sizzling Japanese pizza soaring through the air, whizzing past Ranma, who merely leaned to one side to dodge, and struck someone passing by outside. They both heard a loud yelp, a snarled obscenity in a male voice, and a girl�s voice scolding in turn.
Ranma glanced at the door with a raised eyebrow, then shrugged. �Hiya, Ucchan,� he said cheerfully. �I�m really hungry here, so if you don�t mind -�
�Oh! Hai! Comin� right up, Ranchan!� the girl said happily, her hands flashing as she began to prepare the special recipe that she used only for him, her beloved iinazuke. Within minutes, she deftly flipped a fresh okonamiyaki onto a plate (at least this time she wasn�t so excited about seeing Ranma that she caused any U.F.O�s - Unidentified Flying Okonamiyaki) and handed it to him with a little flourish. Ranma thanked her and dug into the food with his usual gusto - shoveling it into his mouth like everyone was out to take it from him.
When he finished, he leaned back and belched contentedly, then blinked. �Heh, heh. Gomen, Ucchan,� he said sheepishly, rubbing his stomach. �Didn�t mean t� do that.�
Ukyou only shrugged. �Don�t worry. In some cultures, it�s considered the highest form of a compliment.�
Ranma blinked, even as he began to trace some of the leftover sauce with one finger and slurped it happily. �Zat so? Never knew that ...� he frowned, then shrugged. �So why�s Akane always so pissed when I do that with Kasumi�s cookin�? Everyone knows she�s the best cook around.�
�Even better than me, Ranchan?� Ukyou asked cutely, fluttering her lashes at him. Of course, Ranma never noticed the danger signs, and went on complimenting Kasumi�s cooking as if Ukyou had agreed with him.
�Yup! Love her pickles, an� her sushi, an� her miso soup, an� the ...� he noticed the sudden dead silence in the room and looked up at a fuming Ukyou. �Yo, Ucchan,� he said nervously, inching back a little, �what�s wrong? Was it something I said?� His friend had started glowing bright blue in color, and she clenched one of her battle spatulas in one hand.
�Sometimes, I just really don�t believe you, Ranma,� she told him coolly, before smacking him with the spatula and sending him shooting through the roof of the store and flying into the blue sky. She stared after him, huffed a few moments, then blinked, chagrined. �Shimatta!� she groaned, slumping in place. �And I just fixed the roof from the last time I did that!�
Ranma always saw the strangest things while he was in one of his iinazuke-chartered flights. Today, he thought he saw a short kid with spiky black hair standing on top of a telephone pole, watching him soar by without a flicker of expression. Ranma tossed the image a salute, just in case, even as he continued on his flight. He passed a good-looking redhead as he skimmed over a lake, and waved at her, too, nodding in appreciation of her looks and smile.
He came to an abrupt crash landing on hard pavement and sat up slowly, grumbling to himself. What was it about him and violent women? They all seemed to attach themselves to him like magnets. Akane was a tomboy, that was bad enough; Shampoo was an Amazon, which explained everything; Ukyou had a thing about cooking, and Kodachi ... Kodachi was Kodachi was insane. He shuddered and got to his feet ...
... and stepped directly into a splash of icy cold water. Ranma-chan blinked a few times, before shaking herself and frowning. �Aw, jeez!� she muttered, wringing out the corner of her red shirt, �I hate this!� Short of pulling her shirt off in public, there was no other way for her to dry off, so she sighed and set out for looking for a restaurant or some other place to find some hot water. People stopped briefly to watch the pretty, busty young redhead wander by, then returned to work, pretty sure they had only seen an illusion. The young couple who had watched Ranma�s sex-change were standing there, babbling like idiots while their little boy clapped his hands in delight at the scene.
The first place he found was a little ramen shop; she debated entering for a few moments, then made up her mind, pushing inside. Would be nice to go to a ramen place without having a lavender-haired bundle of Chinese Amazon energy pounce on him - or her - for once.
A young brown-haired girl was taking orders; she flashed a pretty little smile at Ranma-chan as the redhead as she entered. �Ohyaou, Kurama-sa -� she checked herself when she noticed that Ranma wasn�t who she was expecting, and colored prettily. �Gomen,� she apologized, �but I have a friend who has red hair, and for a moment, I thought you were him.�
�Ah, no problem,� Ranma-chan said breezily. �Listen, I know it sounds weird, but could you just get me some hot water? Not soup or tea or nothin�, just hot water. And not boiling, either; just hot�ll be fine. Please?� she tried to make it sound as desperate as possible, without going into the all-out kawaii thing that she could use on boys. The other girl blinked in surprise, then shrugged, with a doubtful look on her face.
�All ... okay, if that�s all you want,� she said dubiously, then vanished briefly before returning with a kettle in one hand. �Here.� Curious, she watched as Ranma-chan lifted the kettle and tilted it over, pouring the water on her head. The girl�s eyes widened considerably as she watched the change from small redheaded girl to tall black-haired boy, watching as the obviously feminine curves smoothed out to a definitely masculine chest.
�Arigato,� he said cheerfully, tossing the kettle back to her and turning, intent on leaving and heading home ... when he bumped straight into another guy. They both stumbled back, glaring at each other; they were of equal height, and the stranger glared into Ranma�s angry blue-gray eyes with brown ones that sparked with an equal fire.
�Yuusuke!� Ranma heard the girl say from behind them. �Where the hell have you been, you baka?!� She stormed past Ranma angrily, and Yuusuke suddenly went from challenging to worried, holding his hands out in front of him like some kind of shield.
�Uh, Keiko, I can explain -� he started to say, the words feeble even to Ranma�s ears. Keiko - the girl - wasn�t paying attention, though, as she somehow managed to pull a wok from nowhere - Ranma assumed it came from the same place where Akane kept her mallets and Kodachi kept her roses - and smashed it over his head.
�BAKA!� she shouted, grabbing his shirt and shaking him. �You were supposed to be here an hour ago!�
Yuusuke broke free from her grasp easily. �Aw, lay off, ya stupid cow,� he growled back, adjusting the collar of his shirt, not noticing that his insult had only made the girl�s anger worse. She wasn�t glowing, the way Ranma�s iinazukes did when upset, but she was damn near close, even as she grabbed a chair and used it as a bat, smashing him through the door and sending him soaring outside.
�Yuusuke no bakaaaa!� she wailed after him, then stomped angrily back into the restaurant. Ranma just stood there, blinking, then turned, looking in the direction Yuusuke had gone. With a shrug, he followed the other boy�s trail, mentally putting off his return to the Dojo for a few more hours as he began to scout around for Yuusuke�s landing spot.
Yuusuke extracted himself from the pile of old cardboard boxes with a low groan, rubbing the growing bump on his head. His head throbbed, as if a thousand chibi versions of the girl who had tossed him out of her shop were running along the inside of his skull, pounding the soft gray matter with their little feet and chairs.
He looked up, blinking like a startled owl, when a shadow fell over him. Standing above him was that same weird pigtailed boy who he had bumped into - no, he amended the thought; who had bumped into him. Narrowing his eyes belligerently, he smacked aside the hand offered to help and hopped to his feet, swaying slightly as the headache shrieked like Keiko on her worst day. The guy was still there, and Yuusuke, in an attempt to scare him off, glowered at him. �Hey, what�cha starin� at?� he grumbled, folding his arms across his chest.
The pigtailed boy only raised his hands in a supplicating gesture, one that Yuusuke recognized as the same one he used on Keiko every (unsuccessful) time he tried to soothe her temper. He was around his height, though from the light way he carried himself around - reminiscent of Kurama�s light steps - hinted of martial arts training. �Yo! Don�t get yourself all screwed, man. I just thought you might wanna talk.�
�Nani?� he asked suspiciously. �You ain�t one of those weird guys who like guys, are you?�
�Eew!� The pigtailed boy looked ill for a brief instant, and Yuusuke could�ve sworn he heard him mutter �don�t remind me of that pervert Kuno� before straightening. �No way! I just thought you might like knowin� that you�re not the only one stuck with a violent chick in your life.� He pointed to a large, fading bruise on his cheek. �Got this one a few weeks ago from my first iinazuke, Akane. She�s one uncute chick.� He shuddered.
Yuusuke was confused, but intrigued, too. �First iinazuke?� he asked, raising an eyebrow; the pigtailed boy looked sheepish, then nodded.
�Yeah, well ... yeah. Hey, it ain�t my fault, y�know? It�s my baka of an oyaji who did it - that old man is the only one I know who trades his kid for a bowl of rice an� some pickles! �Cause he has, y�know.� The boy made a face. �Also traded me for an okonamiyaki yatte. That�s where I got my second iinazuke.�
Yuusuke�s brain was spinning, on the overload, especially since he was still dazed from that wicked blow of Keiko�s. �Uh ... yeah ... say, why don�t we continue this elsewhere? An alley ain�t the best place in the world t� hold a conversation ...�
The pigtailed boy blinked, then nodded, a large sweatdrop appearing on the side of his head. Yuusuke blinked at it in surprise, wondering if he did the same thing when embarrassed, then stumbled out of the alley, still picking random pieces of trash out of his clothing - scraps of paper, bits of plastic, a dead mouse (yuck!) - followed by his new companion.
(Three - or maybe *hic* four, I can�t *hic* tell - hours later)
�And, sho *hic*, that shtupid tombo - *hic* - boy gesh all mad a� mee, an� she�sh rilly good wit� tat mallet-t�ingy o� �ers ... an� it�sh WHAM!� Ranma punched his palm into his open hand - or tried to, missing by a good five inches, and though both boys noticed that, neither cared. In fact, they thought it was funny, and decided to celebrate by opening their eighteenth - or was it their nineteenth? - bottle of sake. When pouring, they both missed their cups by a foot or two, but that was okay, as well, because they thought everything was funny at the moment.
�*hic* Yah, I know da *hic* feelin�,� Yuusuke agreed, swaying in his spot, blinking stupidly at the growing puddle on the floor. �Y�know, ofukuro�sh gonna be all pished �bout thish mesh ...� he added, swinging a hand around, drunkenly smacking Ranma on the side of his head. Instead of retaliating, like he would have, had he been sober, Ranma only snorted at this, grabbing yet another bottle and trying to pour it into his cup - with a little more success this time. It spilled on the way from the table to his mouth instead of from the bottle to the cup, this time.
�Heh ... an� tat ain�t th� only thin�, eith�r ... �cause, jeez, th�t tom *hic* tomboy can� ev�n take a complim�nt right ... she�sh gotta ... gotta ... *hic* go all mad an� th�nk I�m o�ly kiddin�, and jeeeeeeez!� Ranma giggled a little, not noticing the unmanliness of the sound, and leaned forward, blindly reaching for the bottle, but grabbing Yuusuke�s stained cup instead.
The other boy hiccuped, then tried to focus his eyes, snatching his cup back, which resulted in a drunken shouting match, most of the words obscene and unable to be found in any dictionary. Their voices got louder, then quieter, then LOUDER again, pausing at times to take swigs from the bottles (most of which ended up staining their faces and clothing).
They were still like that when the door opened, and a girl�s voice called out, �Yuusuke? Are you here? I�m sorry about - eeep!� Keiko�s hands flew to her mouth at the sight of her significant other engaged in a shouting match with the same pigtailed boy she had seen earlier, both smelling of sake and swaying dangerously in place. She took a deep breath, and then shouted a single phrase.
�CUT IT OUUUTT!!!� she yelled (since she would�ve resented the word �bellow�), the sound of her voice shattering a sake bottle in Yuusuke�s hand and sending Ranma�s pigtail on end. Both boys froze in place, Yuusuke with his mouth hanging open, insult half-formed and half-out, Ranma with his hands held before him, the middle and ring fingers pulled in while the others stuck out in his usual �oh shit� pose.
Neither boy moved as the girl stomped up to them, wrinkling her nose at the smell. She shoved Yuusuke down to sit blindly on the couch, then grabbed the strange boy�s shirt. �You!� she snapped. �What�s your name?�
The boy blinked at her, then grinned, a smile that could have been disarming if not for the alcohol-tinged breath that accompanied his words. �Heh ... Sh-sh-Shaotome Ry-Ryanma deshu,� he said grandly, slurring his words, swaying slightly, leaning away from her. �Sh-sh-shuminashan.� He giggled, as if this was terribly funny, and so did Yuusuke. Keiko turned, kicked her lover-boy in the knee, then continued questioning Ranma.
�Where do you live?�
�Nani? Uh ...� the blue-gray eyes went even more unfocused, as the pigtailed boy scratched his head, trying to remember. �Uh ... *hic* um ... oh yeah! Da ... da Tendo Dosho! Yeah! I lif at the Dosho wit� Akane an� her fam�ly!� He smiled happily at her, as if he had accomplished something grand, and Keiko facefaulted.
�The Tendo Dojo?� she asked. �How the hell did you get mixed up with a nice girl like Akane?�
�NICE?!� Ranma sputtered the words, shocked into coherency for a few moments before the sake-induced stupor reclaimed him. �Th�t *hic* masho *hic* chick couln�t keep a *hic* boyfrien� if it men�t anythin� to *hic* �er �t�all. She�sh shooooo kawaikunee, like ya wouldn� *hic* belief.� Ranma tilted his head to one side. �Why�sha ashk?�
Keiko sighed heavily. �Never mind. She hooked her small fingers around the back of Ranma�s blue shirt and started dragging him to the phone, pointing a single finger at Yuusuke. �You stay there!� she told him firmly.
The other boy only blinked innocently at her, and made another grab for the sake bottle, only succeeding in grabbing air. His fingers scrabbled blindly against the countertop for a few moments, and then he sat still, a pout starting to form.
Keiko groaned, muttered something unpleasant to herself, and stormed from the room, still dragging the semiconscious Ranma behind her.
Akane came alone, dressed in a sleeveless yellow turtleneck and loose black shorts. She took a good look at the besotted Ranma and blanched, her fingers curling into the same sign that Ranma had used earlier. She talked with Keiko until dark - after all, they�d been good friends during grade school, and this was a wonderful chance to catch up - then left, dragging her iinazuke along with her, muttering threats and insults to the boy she was pulling, ignoring his cheerful, off-tune humming and ignoring all his attempts to get her attention.
Keiko sighed, then looked at her hands. Her brow furrowed briefly, and she concentrated, reaching out and making a grabbing motion at the air ...
... and like magic, a huge mallet appeared in her hands. She hefted it a few times, then grinned evilly. The next time Yuusuke insulted her, she had a surprise waiting for him ...